


Safe

by BurningSlowly



Series: Safe Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Agoraphobia, American education system, Depression, M/M, Nonmagic AU, Scars, Special education, mentions of past self harm], preschool teacher, school jargon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23508070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningSlowly/pseuds/BurningSlowly
Summary: For years Severus Snape had been trapped within his home due to his Agoraphobia. Will an unexpected meeting with a young man named Harry change that?This was written for Snape Bigbang 2019. #snapebang19A big thank you to everyone who has worked on Snape Bang and especially my lovely artist Charlie9646!
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Series: Safe Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2063553
Comments: 20
Kudos: 158
Collections: Snape Bigbang, Snape Bigbang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

_Art done by Charlie9646_

To say that Severus Snape was a recluse wouldn't be technically wrong. He _did_ prefer the solitary found within apartment 317 which he called home. And he hadn’t exactly ventured out into the world for some time. And if he had invited someone into his home they would be able to tell that he spent many nights alone from the ever-growing number of books he owned. He had made it a point to purchase a new book once he finished one and now his study had blossomed into a full-blown library.  
Of course, he was not completely isolated from the world. He was still a rather productive member of society, maintaining his job from his home. When it was absolutely necessary he would interact with people outside; careful to keep to the space just outside of his door. Despite not letting anyone enter his home he acted as a good host to all who visited him by offering a drink or a light snack. A few years ago he had even gone out of his way to build a nice chair and table for his guest.  
The list of visitors was rather short. Once that list might’ve had three or so but it had dwindled to a single person; his routine postal worker named Albus. He didn't mind that he mostly spoke to the elderly man as he signed for packages. The short-lived company of Albus was the only true interaction he had with another person. That was a fact. Nothing was going to change that. 

  
  


***

Staring down the apartment door in front of him wasn’t what Harry was supposed to be doing. In fact, he shouldn’t have been anywhere near this apartment complex for the simple reason that he didn’t live here. 

Looking at the haphazardly scribbled address on his scrap of paper he could feel his nerves all hyped up. 

Hermione would’ve said that this wasn’t a part of his job description. Plus she would’ve highlighted all the times meetings like this didn’t end well. He could almost hear her warning that luck couldn't always keep him out of harm's way.

Taking a deep breath he raised his hand to the wooden door and knocked. 

Silence.

Waiting a few seconds he took in his surroundings; tucked in the corner of the building had a nice chair and table. Nothing about that screamed, “this is a home of a killer” even so he had to admit it was a little odd. 

Raising his hand he knocked louder. 

Shuffling from the other side of the door sent his heart beating a hundred miles a minute as he waited for the knob to turn and the door opened.

A scowled face appeared in the doorway. The owner of said face was taller than him with shoulder-length black hair and dressed all in black. The man held a stoic... or standoffish presence. Gathering his courage Harry proceeded to do what he came here for.

“Hello.” He said, making sure that his nerves weren’t wavering his voice. “If you have time, I would like to discuss your child’s withdrawal from the elementary school.”

An eyebrow raised at his words. That had to be a bad sign. Keeping his panic internal he fought to not look away from the intimidating glance of the man.

“Ella was a wonderful student so as her teacher I wanted to know why she suddenly was withdrawn” he hastily babbled. “She is very bright-”

A raised hand cut him off before he could ramble on the reasons why his student should return. His whole body tightened waiting for the man to say something.

  
  
  


When the knocking on the door started Severus had no clue who it could be. No one visited him outside of his routine meetings. Albus tended to call before arriving at his doorstep unexpectedly. Opening the door he didn’t expect to see a face he’d never seen before. The young man that appeared at his door stood about a foot shorter than him with wild tousled hair. What truly captivated him was the man’s emerald eyes framed by round glasses.

On any other day he would’ve not so politely ask the man to leave, but for some reason, he wanted to hear him out. Severus had enough self-control to reject the man if he tried to sell him something. Nothing good could come from a door-to-door salesman in this day-in-age; that he was sure of. 

As the young man spoke it was obvious there was some sort of confusion. The quick-paced ramblings were laughable if not for the seriousness of the situation. Raising a hand to halt the string of words flying out of the stranger’s mouth he began to set the record straight.

“You appear to be mistaken. I have not now or ever had a child attend any elementary school.”

“I...I...” The stranger looked at him as though trying to discern if he was lying. “This address,” The stranger held out a slip of paper.

“You Have misread it” he said in a matter of factly tone after taking a quick glance. “It is written as 311 not 317” he said pointing to the last digits of the slip of paper. 

The stranger’s face noticeably turned red as he looked to the paper again. 

  
  


The paper in his hand did say 311. Harry was sure he could die from the embarrassment spilling over him. To make such a drastic mistake was so unlike him. Sure he wasn’t perfect and some would say clumsy, but when it came to his students he never messed up. 

“Perhaps remaining in elementary has affected your ability to read” the man said. 

Harry was unsure if the man’s words were meant to be insulting or not. It was difficult to read the man whose face gave no indication of what he thought of this mix-up.

“I am so sorry for bothering you.”

“As you should be.” The man crossed his arms over his chest. “Coming to my door without as much as an introduction before discussing information I have no use for.”

“Ah. I’m Harry Potter and I deeply apologize for inconveniencing you this evening.”

“Good evening Mr. Potter,” the man said, enunciating his name in a way that sent shivers down his spine.

“G-good evening” he replied just before the door closed.

He stood motionless at the closed door waiting for his mind to catch up. Shaking his head he built back up some bravery to retry this conversation with the right person. 

It was a short walk to 311 and yet it seemed miles away from 317.

Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door. Mentally he tried to ready himself for whatever was behind this door, yet his mind thought back to the stranger in 317. The jiggling of the doorknob spiked his anxiety.

“Mr. Potter!” The sweet little girl exclaimed.  
“Hello, Ella. Could I talk to your parents?”

“Mama!” She called behind her.

******

Harry groaned as Hermione continued on with her rant. It had been a horrible idea to tell her about going to that apartment complex.

“I told you not to go over!” she scolded, lightly hitting his hand with the roll of paper towels.

“I know. I just had to make sure-”

“You are not a social worker or anyone official that had the right to stop by anyone's home!” She hit him in the head this time. “You could've gotten yourself into legal trouble and then where would you be?”

“Hermione,” he sighed, taking the paper towel roll out of her hand. “I love you but can I just tell my story without you freaking out that I’ll end up in jail?”

“Can you stop doing impulsive things that make me think you'll end up in jail?” she countered with a serious look.

“You make it sound like I make it a habit of breaking the law.”

Some days he didn't know how they became friends. When she got into her mood the tiniest thing made her go crazy. Really he didn’t understand how she had managed not to kill him back in college. Back then he had to admit he did act without thinking, but Hermione was never far behind in those days. Him, Hermione, and their friend Ron were in every sense of the word reckless. Most people were at that age. Perhaps all of that made her so stir crazy for rules now. 

“Oh look at that,” he flashed his watch towards her. “School hours are over. Now can I spend time with my _friend_ Hermione and not Ms. Granger?”

“Fine” she huffed, pulling out her tight bun, shaking her hair free. 

She always looked much younger with her hair down. Harry had a suspicion that she tried everything in her power to act far older than she was to blend in with her coworkers. He never felt the need to do that, one of the many perks of teaching preschool.

“Better?” she grumbled.

“Wait.” Carefully he reached to pull the pencil tucked in the back of her left ear.

Once he saw her spend an hour trying to free a pen from her curled hair. If his hair was any longer he certainly would have a similar problem. 

“There.” He smiled.

“Go on with your story” She waved her hand as if swatting away the other comments she had.

“No interruptions?”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Okay. So I went to the apartment complex.”

Hermione pinched her lips together.

“I ended up going to the wrong door.”

“Even more reason that you-” She shut her mouth again.

“I ended up making a fool of myself in front of this guy. I was so sure that I wrote down 317 but it was 311. He said that remaining in elementary affected my ability to read.”

“That’s rude!” 

“I think it was a joke.”

Hermione rolled her eyes.

“It was hard to tell. He had this serious face you know like the one McGonagall gives during meetings.” He pressed his lips into a thin line and squinted slightly. Their Principal always gave him that face. Hermione too gave him that look here and there.

“Hmm” she hummed.

“I'm sure it was a joke.”

A knock came from the door.

“Am I interrupting anything?” Ron asked, poking his head in. He waved a brown bag as though it were a peace offering. Interrupting Hermione at work was always a bad thing even for Ron, her fiance. 

“Don’t worry we were just talking.”

“About what?” Ron asked, trying to comfortably sit in the student chairs along his table.

“Tell him,” Hermione said, snatching a doughnut from the bag.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. It wasn’t to fend off a headache as he usually did but to try to refocus. For the oddest reason he couldn't get that young man out of his head. That teacher... Mr. Potter. He looked far too young to be a teacher. Why that stranger had stuck in his head long after he corrected his mistake was a mystery. 

When was the last time he spoke face to face with someone aside from Albus?

“He’s long gone,” he sighed pushing away from his computer.

The work he was doing was far more important than thinking about a stranger he would never see again. It wasn't as though he would pop up again at his doorstep. Nor would Severus set foot outside of his apartment in search of him. Just the thought of leaving made him shutter. There were far too many unknowns outside of these walls. 

Shaking his head he went to pour a drink. That would settle his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

“Harry. Harry. Harry!”

“What?” 

“Of all things!” Hermione swallowed her cursing before speaking again. “What possibly could be on your mind now?”

“Give him a break” Ron exclaimed leaning against the shopping cart. “He probably had a long day.” 

“Long day or not, today is grocery day.” She lifted up two apples looking exactly like the other. “Which one do you want?”  
“I don't really care ‘mione.”

“You are the most useless,” she paused realizing her words. “I didn’t mean that.”

Ignoring the eggshells that she was walking on around him, he pretended to inspect an apple.

“I buy whatever is the cheapest.” It was hard not to look at her. He just couldn’t when she thought she said the wrong thing around him. 

Placing a few apples into a bag he finally looked up at her. “See I can get my own groceries. You act like I would be eating dog food if you weren't around.”

“He’s got a point” Ron said, earning a scathing glare from his fiance. “I think I will go check out the watermelons,” he said hastily pushing the cart away.

“I know you can do these things... I just worry.”

“‘Mione you don't have to take care of me. I’m not living in a box on the street and I don’t blow my money on ridiculous things. I’ve been taking care of myself since forever.” 

Her lips drew into a thin line before she picked up an orange. “You need to eat better,” she said, stuffing a few oranges into a bag. “No friend of mine is going to live off frozen dinners.”

“I eat cereal too,” he offered.

“That's worse. It’s nothing but sugar.”

Harry sighed. “I can't wait until you two have kids so you'll have someone else to fuss over.” 

Her cheeks reddened. “And I can't wait until you settle down so I can stop fussing over you.”

“Is it my fault that no one has asked me out yet?”

“It isn't _mine_.”

He could argue against that. She did have the horrible habit of asking all too loudly if this or that person was his type. Comments like “what about that one?” were surely a turnoff to anyone who would dare look his way. Anyone that _did_ get past that Hermione would practically give an examination on why they should be allowed to date him. According to her there had to be certain criteria met before he should go on a date. Harry didn’t think that he was worth all the fuss. 

“Friday,” Ron exclaimed clearly, waiting for a moment to voice his thoughts. “This Friday we should go out to that one bar...” Ron snapped his fingers trying to place the name. “rainbow bridge!”

“Not you too” he groaned thinking about his best mate searching up top local gay bars. 

“I can’t do Friday, remember I have to meet with Malfoy” said Hermione.

“You would pass up on drinks for Malfoy?” Ron asked.

“I need to convince him to get more help. More and more of our educational assistants are leaving. The ones we got are barely cutting it. Harry hasn't had a proper E.A. for two months.”

“It’s not that bad ‘mione. I only have five students now.” He looked to the fruit in their cart. He wished that he could’ve gotten his student Ella back. 

“Five students with special needs.” 

“We do what we can” he shrugged.

“It’s not good enough.”

“I knew what I was getting into when I took the job. No one said preschool was easy.”

“I’m glad I’m not in the educational field.”

“You have no idea.”

“So Friday?” 

***

“Friday” he sighed, tapping the word _party_ Ron had written in his planner so he “wouldn't forget”. As if he could when Ron would make sure to pick him up as soon as possible. 

With the bell chime he closed the planner. Taking a breath he went to the front door.

“Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day because I say so. Because I will do my best to make it a good day.”

One last deep breath then he pulled the door open. He smiled at the first little face that met him.

“Sorry to be so early again.” Andromeda Tonks said holding onto a little boy with hints of color in his light brown hair.

“Looks like someone had fun with the markers again.”

“He’s impossible. I worry what he’ll get up to when he’s older.”

He chuckled. 

“Bye Teddy. Give Nana a kiss.”

“Bye” Teddy said rushing into the classroom.

“He’ll be fine.”

Nodding she left. 

It couldn't be easy managing to raise a hyper child like Teddy by herself.

“Don’t think about it,” he said catching Teddy trying to crawl into the toy shelf. “Backpack.”

Smirking Teddy went to pick up his discarded backpack. 

“You know the schedule: backpack, sign in, then bathroom.”

Shoving his backpack into the designated cubby Teddy went to his picture scheduled pulling off the first card. 

“Now which one is your name?” he asked the same question every single morning.

“This one!” Teddy giggled purposefully pointing to the wrong name.

“Try again.” 

Giggling Teddy touched every single name card before picking his own.

“Mr. Potter!” a squeaky high voice exclaimed as Teddy began to trace his name.

“Morning Rachel” he greeted. “ What beautiful hair you have today.”

She shook her perfectly braided hair. If today were like any other these braids would be undone before she was placed on the bus home. 

“Oh Ethan” he said, noticing his quiet student standing in the doorway. “How are you today?” 

Ethan went straight to his cubby.

 _“One day I will get him to speak up”_ he thought, watching Ethan go about his routine.

“Teddy pull out the cubelinks please.” The little boy smiled pulling out the container of cubes onto the large table. 

He checked the clock on the wall before remembering that it still hadn’t been fixed. Forgetting about the high probability that it would remain at 10:00 am for the rest of the year he made sure that his students were actually checking their velcroed visual schedule. A wail made all the kids cover their ears. 

“Sorry” Luna said in her soft lulling voice. Wheeling in a blonde child named Natalie. 

“It’s okay.” 

“I didn't mean to wake her” she explained, pulling out Natalie’s backpack from under her specialized stroller. 

“She needed to be up anyway. Isn't that right Natalie.”

Natalie shifted her head trying to tilt in the direction of his voice. 

“It’s me, Mr. Potter. Natalie you are back at school. We are going to have a good day.”

Her crossed eyes tried to focus on him for a second. She must've seen him clearly for she smiled.

“You are really good with her.”

“So are you. I’m glad she got you as her nurse.”

“We are still getting to know each other.” Luna pinned back her bangs with a shiny barrette. 

“She’ll come around. Our first month together it was nothing but a screaming fest. You are doing great.”

“Thanks Harry.”

“Mr. Potter breakfast order?” the next doors E.A. asked.

“Just one moment.” He scrambled for his desk that was filled with paperwork 

Later he would have to try to reorganize. 

“Found it” he said picking up the manilla folder. A quick headcount and even quicker check of a few boxes on his paper he tore the thing handing it off to her. 

“Teddy share the red bricks with everyone.”

Pouting Teddy pushed the few over to Ethan.

“Let me help you Luna” he said pressing the brakes on the adaptive chair for Natalie that allowed her easier access to the dining table.

“What has everyone made today?” 

Teddy lifted up his cubelinks that were in the shape of an L. “Is it a leg?”

“A horse” he corrected. 

“It's a beautiful red horse. And you Ethan?” 

Ethan moved his lips a fraction by not a single sound came out. It was still a win in his book that he was trying.

“I like it.”

Ethan smiled 

“Rachel?”

Rachel spouted off jumbled words so quickly he couldn’t quite catch it. It was always so hard to decipher her words first thing in the morning. The sound of wheels against the concrete outside sent the kids pushing their unstacked blocks into a pile. 

_“They really know their routine,”_ he smiled. “who's ready for breakfast?”

Frustrated Severus slammed against the keyboards. 

He should've made bounds of progress by now but these claimed “professional” articles were filled with flaws. The sample size was far too small to be conclusive and yet it claimed that it could be a contender for mass production. Did the idiots really think this was acceptable to be placed on the shelves? They were lucky that he did not appear in their offices to chew them out. Unfortunately he had to settle for scathing emails pointing out their massive errors. 

He should've been quite used to the blatant ignorance within his profession. Money could buy you blinders to shield against the horrific side effects hastily proposed in the smallest font of the reports if they were reported at all. No one could buy him that luxury. That was why people put up with him he supposed. It helped prevent future lawsuits and kept the credibility of his department’s name. Some days he thought he could do much more being there in person. How good it would feel to stride up to the head of these drug tests and let them hear everything he thought about them. 

A knock pulled him away from his typing. Stretching he moved to the front door

“How are we today Severus?” Albus asked. “Hard day?” Albus determined after a glance at his face.

He had to be scowling. Who wouldn't scowl at the things he had to get through?

“You’re too young to be scowling so deeply.”

“It comes with the job. Would you like some tea?”

“You do spoil me” Albus chuckled. 

Severus wasn't quite a man to show sentimentally but he knew Albus was the only person he was remotely close to. Being confined to your home did that to a person. 

“It’s the first,” Albus reminded.

“I know.”

The date had been circled in red multiple times like a huge stop sign that he wanted to avoid at all costs. Rent was due and for who knew why it wasn't possible to turn it in online. Which meant that he had to walk exactly 130 feet from his front door around the corner to the complex’s office to turn in this rent check. This day was always the most dreaded but he always worked over the procedure in his mind and it helped that Albus was there with him. 

“Whenever you're ready Severus.”

“You should have some tea first.” It was the only way he knew to thank the man.

Albus nodded. 

Making tea helped to calm him but he still wished Albus would drink slower. _“130 feet just around the corner”_ he reminded himself. 

“Are you ready?” Albus asked.

 _“No.”_ The answer was always no. The few steps outside his home sometimes were more than enough. This had to be done. Although being escorted by an elderly postal worker made him feel infantile he needed Albus’s distraction along the way.

“The sky is rather blue today isn’t it” Albus smiled. “Perfect weather.”

Clutching the envelope he stood walking side by side. Albus pointed out the tree that had grown since the last time he saw it. Some initials had been carved into it. The sky did look beautiful.

As a bird flew overhead he wondered what it would be like to fly. Planes provided the closest experience but that required standing in long lines to check-in luggage and the TSA where you would get scanned alongside your belongings. All those people. All those eyes on him. Everyone trapped in a tin that could fall from the sky...

“I need to stop” he said, feeling as though his heart were going to burst right out of his chest. 

“Take your time” Albus assured him. 

He needed to keep going. People were going to stare at him if he didn’t continue.

He wanted to go back to his home. Back to where it was safe. It wasn't safe here out in the open. 

“Severus, we already passed the tree, how many more feet?”

The tree was thirty feet from his home. “O-one hundred more.” Only a hundred feet which to him might as well be seven thousand. 

“You know I would like another cup of tea when we return,” Albus commented as they began to move again.

****

“You really don't have to do this” Harry said as he quickly threw on a clean shirt. 

“Mate when is the next time you are going to go out without Hermione hanging around?”

“ You two are obsessed with my love life. How’s this one?” He showed off the navy shirt coupled with jeans. 

“I think it's fine.” 

Turning to the mirror he looked at himself again. 

Ron would think anything was fine. Once he'd seen Ron leave the house in a polka dot shirt and plaid pants. Taking fashion advice from him was always a toss-up but it wasn't as if he were hit with the fashionable stick either. Whoever said all gay men had style was a complete liar. 

“We really don't have to go to a bar. Why not go see a movie?”

“The goal is to find you someone that's just where the people are, bars.”

“Fine.”

Hopping into the car they drove to the bar. In bright neon light the name flashed. 

“Doesn't seem to busy” Ron commented at the lack of a line outside. 

Harry thanked every deity who helped steer Ron away from choosing the more wild gay bars in the city. He wouldn’t be able to handle being bombarded by half-naked dancers and EDM cranked up to the point where you couldn't even think. And that was simply not a place he wanted to be caught at. His students' parents would think twice about leaving them in his care if he were ever spotted.

“See it's not too bad.”

Rainbow Bridge was calmer setting than those fantastical portrayals of clubs he’d seen in gay sitcoms like _Queer as Folk_. It hardly screamed gay bar with its tasteful decor. There was a dance floor but it was small. So far one couple was slow dancing. There was even a pool table stashed in an aside room. 

“This is actually perfect.” 

“I’ll grab us something you go look around.”

Harry could feel several eyes looking at him but decided to look at the wall framed with pictures of past bar-goers. The photos went as far back as the 20s. One labeled _1928_ showed two men, one with slicked-back hair and had his drink raised towards the camera while the other one with curled hair in his face was shyly looking away. 

“First time here?” A stranger asked, making him jump a little.

“Is it that obvious?”

The man had to be about his age but clearly _did_ have a higher sense of fashion, he looked like he stepped straight out of a photo shoot. His jeans hung low on his waist, his shirt hiding nothing was it fit over him like a second skin. This person either worked out religiously or was an athlete. “It’s a small community here” the man smiled, his teeth were perfectly white. 

_“Could there be at least one flaw”_ he thought, fighting his blush.

The man offered his hand. “I’m Cedric.” 

“H-harry. I'm Harry.”

“So what brings you over?”

“My friend thought I should get out more.”

Cedric hummed as he looked Harry over. “You do have that been stuck in a rut look. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“And your friend?”

Harry looked back at the bar. “He doesn't seem to have any trouble.” Ron was already talking to two guys. “They’ll be very disappointed to find out he's straight and engaged.” 

Across the dance floor he spotted a tall man with long black hair. “Excuse me Cedric” he quickly said following after the man into the bathroom. The man turned towards him as he pushed through the door. _“It’s not him.”_ Embarrassed he quickly washed his hands. _“Why did I think it was him? Stupid.”_

“Everything alright Harry?” Cedric asked when he returned.

“I thought I saw someone but it wasn't him.”

“An ex?”

“Nothing like that..” He could feel his cheeks heat up. 

Why was he thinking about that man when gorgeous Cedric was talking to him?

“Cedric!” a shorter man called out with drinks in his hand. He had a much rounder face but looked as equally as handsome as Cedric. They had to be in some sort of club or something. 

“Harry this is my boyfriend Neville.”

_“Boyfriend. Of course he has a boyfriend.”_

Neville smiled. “Nice to meet you Harry.”

Harry took off his glasses to clean them. He needed to do something to distract the drop in his stomach. 

“You have very nice eyes” Neville complimented. 

“Thanks.” That was the only thing good looking about him. His hair would never look so perfectly windswept as Neville’s. And he wasn’t fit like Cedric. Why did they both have to stand around bringing attention to his lack of style? 

“Harry.” Ron called over. The two men he'd been chatting with were following behind. “Harry meet Seamus and Dean, they're great.”

“We’ll let you get to your fun” Neville said.

“Join in,” Ron interjected before he could say an awkward goodbye. “The more the merrier right Harry?” 

He could tell Ron had already a few drinks. Which meant they had to hang around until he sobered up. 

“Anyone up for a game of pool?”

******

The second of every month was a cause for celebration. It meant he didn't need to think about leaving his home for another 30 days or so. Less in February, he detested that month for it being so short. For now, he could rest easy with the knowledge that he had paid his dues without experiencing a deadly panic attack. Truly he owed Albus so much.

Taking a break from work he opened up to a shopping website. 

“Albus is into knitting and astronomy” he mumbled to himself trying to find the perfect gift. 

Something not as large as a telescope since that would take up far too much space. It couldn’t be anything too small. 

He continued to scroll past images of knitting needles. How many knitting needles could he give the man before it became a nuisance? 

Scowling and scrolling he didn't see anything deceit enough. The world had yet to invent a gift that expressed his gratitude that Albus took time out of his route or even life to visit him. 

The rapping at his door momentarily halted his search.

It seemed he was getting more visits this week. Either that or children from the next complex had picked up the game of knocking and running off again. Peering through the peephole he saw the top of messy black hair. 

Slowly as to not startle his visitor too badly he opened the door.

“Hello again” the same elementary teacher was back. 

“Have you lost your way again?”

“No, I wanted to apologize for disturbing you the other day.”

“See to it that you read your address correctly next time.” 

“I will.” The young man didn't take off right away like he expected. Mr. Potter didn’t even appear to be ready to leave his front door. 

“Were you successful?” he asked, filling in the silence. 

“What?”

“You said something about getting a student back. Were you successful?”

“No they're moving.” The man frowned. 

This person was serious about his students. Severus couldn’t imagine any of his own teachers looking so sad at a student moving. 

“I’m sure they'll do fine.”

“I hope so... I probably won't be back again so I won't accidentally knock on your door.” The man bit his lower lip. “I’m Harry by the way.”

“Yes. Harry Potter. You did introduce yourself last time.” 

“I thought you might’ve forgotten.”

“I couldn’t forget you.”

Mr. Potter flashes a nervous smile. “You never told me your name.”

It was an odd thing to ask of someone he wouldn’t see again. 

“Severus Snape.”

Mr. Potter’s smile widened a bit. “Have a good weekend Mr. Snape.”

“You as well Mr. Potter.”

_“Severus Snape.”_

Now that he knew the man's name Harry was sure he could stop thinking about him. His curiosity was sated. 

Then why did he want to turn back? Why did he want to be seen by those dark obsidian eyes? Why did he want to hear that deep baritone voice speak his name? 

Harry shook his head. 

It would be stupid to turn back.

_“He’s a strange one”_ Severus found himself thinking as he returned to his desk.

This young man...Harry Potter. Harry was such an average name for someone with unusual looks. Those emerald eyes were so vibrant when framed with the wild black curls. His skin was so tanned that there held little doubt that Harry roamed free out there in the world. Free to go wherever he was unable to.

Why did he want to go with him? It would be ridiculous he didn't think that sort of thing before and definitely not after walking the dreaded walk just yesterday. The world was made for people like Harry. 

Before he could even think of returning to his search, another knock came to his door.

There he was again; those emerald eyes searching his face.

“Was there something else you needed from me Mr. Potter?”

Mr. Potter openly stared at him, cheeks tinted pink. “It’s nothing. I shouldn't have bothered you.”

“Tell me what it is. I would rather not have to open my door five seconds after I close it.”

 _“Definitely a strange man”_ he thought watching Mr. Potter battle with leaving this place or admitting that there was something he wanted.

“It’s just my bus doesn't come for another forty-five minutes.”

Severus took a step back. “You took a bus just to apologize to me?”

“When you say it like that it sounds stupid. But it wasn't like I could turn around after an hour bus ride. I had to talk to you.” 

_“An hour.”_ He gripped the outside of his door to keep him upright. What hellish things had Mr. Potter endured to come all the way here. For what, to apologize?

“Are you alright you look a little faint.” 

“I'm not fond of bus rides” he said, keeping his mind from creating elaborate scenarios. 

“They aren't so bad you meet many interesting people.”

“If you say so... You can have a seat while you wait.”

“Thank you.”

Forty-five minutes was a long time to have a stranger just sitting in front of his apartment. 

“Do you like tea?”

“I do but you don't have to go through the trouble.”

“I'll make some please wait out here.”

Although he had made tea numerous times it felt as if his hands had forgotten spilling the water before it could even rest over his stove. It had to be the mention of the bus. Thinking about those sorts of things always messed with him.

  
  


_“I’m bothering him. I should go. He doesn't want me here. He doesn't even know me. I'm being a nuisance.”_

His nails dug into his palms. It wasn't enough.

_“But I can’t leave now if he's making tea.”_

Harry didn't know what would be worse to impose on a stranger or run away. 

The whistle of the kettle kept him where he was. If he ran out now he could bever come back without feeling overwhelming guilt. 

“Coming here is quite a waste of your Saturday.” Mr. Snape said, returning with a tray of tea and biscuits. 

“Not really, I don't do much on Saturdays anyway” he said while taking a cup. “This setup is nice.” He ran a hand over the top of the table. 

“The reviews said that it was one of the best.” 

“Oh.”

Mr. Snape began to drink his tea. 

He hated the dead silence that settled over them. There had to be a reason why Mr. Snape would put chairs and a table outside of his apartment. Maybe it would be rude to ask the reason, but he couldn’t handle the quiet. 

“Maybe I should get one.”

“Do you have room?”

“Probably not. I live in a shoebox of an apartment downtown. Just one of the drawbacks of being a teacher.”

Severus didn't know how to navigate this conversation. With Albus things had fallen into a rhythm of visits that lasted long enough for a single cup of tea and minor life updates like how his granddaughter had begun to walk. Mr. Potter was a different case. They were proper strangers. What could he even discuss with this man?

Sitting out here was not the best use of his time. Forty-five minutes. In that time he could review roughly three reports or read. Plus he still needed to find a gift. 

The steam off Mr. Potter’s cup fogged up his glasses sending the younger man into a fit of laughter. He had a wonderful laugh. His lips quirked in a small smile as he watched Mr. Potter attempt to clean his glasses only for it to fog up once again. Emerald eyes squinted at him adjusting without those thick frames.

Harry rubbed the back of his sleeve against the glasses once more before shrugging and leaving them to the side. 

“Don't worry, last time I checked they were mostly to help see things far away.”

“When was that?”

Chewing on a biscuit he thought. “Two, no four years ago.”

Mr. Snape’s eyebrows raised higher than he could possibly imagine.

“You make the same face my friend does” he said wiping a few crumbs off his sleeve. “She's constantly on me about things like that.”

“She may have a point to be concerned. Or is sharing tea with a stranger a habit of yours?” 

“No it's not a habit” he followed Mr. Snape’s action of sipping his tea.

It was a perfect blend much sweeter than he expected someone so stern looking to enjoy. 

“I must be special to receive your attention” Mr. Snape drawled the last word.

Nearly choking on his tea he tried to get the weird skip of his heart in control. “What about you? Do you make it a habit of offering tea to strangers?”

“Only those who continuously appear at my door.”

“You know what they say about feeding a stray cat.”

“Indeed” Mr. Snape said with an arched brow. 

The ringing of his phone saved him from further embarrassing himself in front of this man.

“Where are you?” Hermione sounded frantic. Why did she always have to sound so frantic on the phone?

“I went out.”

“Harry James Potter don't you dare scare me like that again. If you go out you have to let me know.”

Exasperated he sighed. “‘mione.” 

“Don’t ‘mione me.”

“I’ll be back home soon.” Pressing his hand over his phone he turned to Mr. Snape “You don't have to look so smug.” It was clear that he was entertained by his overbearing friend. 

Still smirking, Mr. Snape looked at his watch. “Your bus should get in soon.”

“Where are you?” Hermione’s voice called out from his phone. She would threaten to get him if he didn’t leave.

“I'm sorry. I have to go.”

“It is no problem Mr. Potter.” 

Grumbling into his cell phone Mr. Potter took off. Severus watched as he turned back to wave at him. Returning the wave he waited until he was gone from view before bringing the tray back into the house.

It took fifteen minutes of constant complaining before he was able to hang up. Running he caught the bus back downtown. Watching the unfamiliar buildings pass by he was grateful for the sign that forbid phone calls. 

****

“How have you been Severus?” Albus asked. “I hope you rested up yesterday.” 

“I had a visitor.” 

“A visitor?”

“A man named Mr. Potter. He had mistaken my home for another's two days ago.”

“Why didn't you think to mention this before?”

“Because of that look” he said avoiding the twinkling eyes. 

“This is a good step Severus.” Albus smiled ear to ear. 

“I should not have said anything.” It was just begging for the older man to poke around in his personal life. Up until now that wasn’t a problem- he didn’t really have a personal life. Albus would get the wrong idea over this. 

“Tell me about your new friend.”

“I could hardly consider that confused man my friend.” He sipped his tea. Flicking open his paper with one hand.

“I see, well be on my way. Thank you for the tea.”

“Wait. This was for you.” He pushed the small package across the table.

Smiling Albus tore through it just as enthusiastically as a child on Christmas day. 

“They are wonderful!” he exclaimed holding up a pair of socks that were, to put it fondly, was eye-catching in their brightly colored designs. Something like that he couldn't bear to own but Albus was as colorful as these socks. Hours of scrowling ended with this purchase but he seemed to enjoy it. “I do wish you luck with this young man.”

There it was, Albus and his wrong idea over the situation. 

“Albus he won't come back.”

“Severus.” Albus tutted as if he had gotten a simple question wrong. 

“He won’t.” 

Shaking his head Albus walked away. 

There was no logical reason why Mr. Potter would return. 

“Hermione” he groaned, placing his head into his folded hands.

“I just worry about you.” She held his hand. 

“You can't keep me under lock and key forever.” 

“That's not what I want to do.”

“It's not what either of us wants.” Ron added laying a hand on his shoulder.

“Where did you go?”

“I went to visit Mr. Snape.”

“Who is that?”

“He’s the man I met at the apartment complex.”

“You went back there!” Hermione shrieked at the same time Ron asked “Why would you go visit him?”

Pressing his head onto the table he tried his best to remember that these two were his closest friends and really didn’t want him doing something stupid. But he didn’t really think that he was going to end up in jail or anything worse that Hermione imagined. 

“He’s not a bad person” he muttered into his arms. 

If he told them they shared tea and biscuits he would have to sit through a lecture on not taking drinks or food from strangers. 

“I want to meet him.”

Jutting up his head he stared dumbfounded at the both of them. “That’s not necessary,” he protested.

They exchanged a look that he imagined any parents of a rebellious teenager would have. When exactly they became his surrogate parents instead of his friends was a question that maybe wouldn’t have an answer. The two of them had always been around, that's why they were constantly watching him. They knew him too well.

“I won't see him again. I just went to apologize.”


	3. Chapter 3

A week went by without seeing Mr. Potter again, not that Severus was counting the days. Being confined for the most part in his apartment assured very little social interaction. He couldn't simply bump into him at a supermarket even if he wanted to. Life didn’t revolve around kind,if not naive, strangers like Mr. Potter. Still he bought another cup in the highly unlikely chance the man did return. Now there were three cups, three plates, and three glasses in his possession. He liked to look at them perfectly stacked together, it made his cabinets look less bare. 

Hope that he would see Mr. Snape was dwindling as the days past. 

“I’m stupid” he muttered laying his head onto the desk. 

“No sleeping,” Teddy said pulling on his arm.

“Can’t I?”

“No,” he said trying to lift up Harry's head. “It’s not night time.”

“Are you sure?” he chuckled. 

Rachel joined in, laughing as they tried to pull his arms. 

“Okay I'm up.” He lifted his head only to lay it back down a second later.

“Up!” the two laughed.

“Go on and play so I can sleep.”

“No!”

“Fine. Fine.”

He looked to Luna who watched over Natalie crawling over the carpet. She shrugged her shoulders as the little girl continued to move in a complete circle. 

“I'm hungry, can you help Ethan cook some food?” 

“Come on.” Teddy said to Rachel leading her to the play kitchen. 

“Mr. Potter! Ethan!”

Ethan stood quietly in a puddle. 

“It’s okay, let's go get cleaned up. Make sure no one steps in it Luna.” 

Rachel and Teddy fled from the area.

Helping the boy into the attached bathroom “Remember when we have to go we need to get to the bathroom.”

Ethan nodded. 

Quickly he wiped up the mess then helped Ethan change. 

Times like this he was lucky that they had a laundry machine in the storage room. Even if it took up so much space and was ridiculously loud. 

“There good as new.”

Ethan nodded.

“Alright everyone clean up then bathroom” he said ringing the bell. 

“No bathroom!” Aiden yelled before promptly falling to the floor. 

Bending down to his levelHarry held his hand out to the boy. “Wash hands.” 

Aiden clung to his toy. 

Undeterred he said it again “wash hands.” Begrudgingly Aiden gave up the toy and took his hand. “Awesome job” he said in his most excited voice. Leading Aiden to his visual schedule they pulled the image of hand washing before escorting him into the bathroom. 

A few more minutes of gathering up the others and sending them home Harry finally was able to catch a breath. 

“How are you holding up?” Hermione asked as she stepped into his classroom.

“The kids are fine.”

“Malfoy says the paperwork for assistance is going through.” 

“I’m beginning to think that's district talk for you're on your own.”

“Aren’t you going to get that parapro too?” 

“I guess we’ll see who gets here first.” He really could use a parapro for Aiden. There wasn’t enough energy in him to constantly redirect him when he flopped on the ground. Having a trained helper would make the day not so draining.

“It’s unfair that next door already got help” Hermione huffed.

“They need it” he said resting his head on his arm. “During circle time one of their kids ran straight into my room trying to pull every toy off the shelf. It set everyone off.”

“That was what the commotion was about?”

“Yeah.” He felt guilty about them being so noisy. The fifth-grade classes above him probably hated their location. Next door they had a runner and a crier. While he had Teddy who could be extremely loud and Aiden who at times would throw things before flopping. 

“Move back in with us.”

“You two are going to get married. You don’t want me around.” Before Hermione could object he added “You see me more than enough at work.”

“I just thought...”

“How are things in fifth grade?”

“My class is doing great.”

_“No surprise.”_

“But they aren’t doing as well as they could on the assessments.” 

“I’ll take crying kids over lengthy assessments any day.”

“It isn’t so bad.”

“Maybe for you. I couldn't do all that grading.”

“You say that as if you don't have a pile of paperwork sitting on your desk right now.” Hermione pointed out to the mess he’d been ignoring.

“IEPs are no joking matter. I'll stay back to work on them.”

“You sure? I could drive you home.”

“I don’t have any time in the school day to work on them. They need to get done.”

“I'll have another talk with Malfoy.”

“It’s fine” he groaned.

Her eyes darted to his arm. 

“ Please stop talking with Malfoy, Ron might get the wrong idea. I got this.”

“I know you do. I'll try to be less invasive.”

“Thank you.”

“ But I want you to come over more. The house still feels so quiet without you.” She squeezed his hand.

“I love you ‘mione.”

“I love you too.”

Paperwork was the worst thing invented Harry decided after giving up 30 min later. No matter how much he told himself this was important for his students he couldn’t get through all the jargon that he would have to break down anyways for his parents. Most of the time he thought the whole format was an elaborate way to make the official people appear as though they knew what they were doing. Being in a Special Education class highlighted the fact that the specialist didn't always know what they were doing. How could they when they dropped in once a month to “observe” his students for what felt like five minutes. It bothered him how they couldn't see the everyday gains that they made or only saw them on a bad day.

“I need a break.” He looked at his watch. “I can make it.”

Severus was about to begin eating diner when a rhythmic knocking hit his door.

“What happened to never coming here again?” he asked Mr. Potter. 

“I hoped to see you around but I guess we shop at different places.”

“So you took an hour bus to see me again to confirm that guess?”

“It was thirty minutes this time since I came from work. I wasn't interrupting anything was I?”

The only thing Mr. Potter was interrupting was his solitary routine, yet he couldn't come to shoo the man away from his doorstep. 

“I was just about to have dinner... would you care for some since you have to wait for your bus?” 

“I would like that,” Mr. Potter said, taking up the available seat. 

The sudden pounding sensation in his chest was mildly annoying as he divided his meal in half. Albus never could stay long enough for a real meal. It had only been tea and biscuits. Perhaps for the first time in a very long while he was going to share a meal with someone. 

Someone who had just appeared out of the blue. Someone, against the idiocy of it all, that he had anticipated seeing again.

“Do you like pasta?” he asked.

“I’ve eaten my share of Spaghetti-O's.” 

He snorted at the childish statement. “You’ll find that this is superior to that canned substance.” he said, placing their plates down.

Taking a bite, Mr. Potter’s face lit up. “This is delicious.”

“It’s simple,” he said, twirling the noodles onto his fork.

“Still better than what they serve at school.” Mr. Potter took another bite. “They always put American cheese on it, those horrible square ones. Half the time you just end up with a huge slab of crusted melted cheese with a few noodles attached.” Mr. Potter lifted his fork looking at the pasta as some newly invented dish. “It’s a nightmare to get my kids to eat the school spaghetti.”

“You have children?”

“I meant my students” Mr. Potter said before swallowing the forkful. 

“How old are your students?”

“Most are four, one is soon to be five. I teach preschool special education.”

“Ah, that explains it” he said leaning back in his chair.

“Explains what?”

“Your high energy.”

“You should see me at the end of the day I’m wiped. They keep me on my toes. What do you do?”

“I work from home.”

“Let me guess...” Mr. Potter looked him over. “Writer.”

“More of an editor I suppose. I work to review research on new pharmaceuticals.” 

“That explains all the frowning.” Mr. Potter drew his brows together in a mocked expression. 

He raised his brow. “Is that how I look?”

“Completely” Mr. Potter chuckled. “Guess it comes with such an important job.”

“Majority of my days are reading and suggesting corrections to others' works.”

“That's a very important job.” Without warning Mr. Potter placed a hand on his.

He looked to their connected hands. 

“Oh sorry,” Mr. Potter said as he withdrew his hand. “If I’m bothering you-”

“I’ll be sure to let you know,” he said, shocked that he had allowed the touch in the first place. “Though your girlfriend might be opposed to you running off again.”

“Girlfriend? Oh you mean Hermione. She’s not my girlfriend. I'm single.”

He found it hard to believe that someone wouldn't be dating Mr. Potter. Aside from being perhaps kind to a fault, he was a man with a clear enjoyment of his work. Those captivating emerald eyes were not so bad either.

“Completely single. What about you” Mr. Potter asked, biting his lower lip.

“I’m married to my work.”

“Then I hope your work doesn't mind that I'm occupying your time.”

“What time is your bus arriving?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“I think that would be quite a difficult task if I were.” He smirked. “I want to know if there's enough time to offer dessert.”

“There’s always time for that.”

Fumbling in the dark Harry jammed his keys into his front door. It was too late to be out on a school night but he didn't mind so much. Spending the evening with Mr. Snape was comforting. There wasn't forced communication like when he had to meet up with other teachers and he didn't know him well enough to lecture about being out late so late. It felt like he could just be Harry around the man. Not coworkers, not someone with any shared history, just two people getting to know the other.

****

Severus woke up with the strange urge to do something aside of his usual routine. A part of himself, a very large part if he were honest, wanted to spend the whole day waiting for Mr. Potter to show up again. Instead he went to his bookshelf. Running a finger across its ledge he frowned at the buildup of dust. Cleaning would suffice to occupy his time. 

Book after book he pulled from the shelves careful to not disrupt their specific placement. He should have converted to an electronic reader to save space but there was this gratifying sensation of physically touching a book and closing it when it was over that couldn't be compared to a lit screen. 

On his bottom shelf he found a book jammed into the back and its pages were curled from being pressed so roughly. 

Groaning he reached it hoping that he wouldn’t have to replace it. The second he spotted the cover he understood why it had been so roughly treated. It was an old practice book for his agoraphobia. Inside had tips and blank pages that were to journal daily accomplishments. 

He nearly laughed at his scrawled _This is stupid!_ on the first available journal space. Vaguely he remembered trying out the calming techniques displayed in the book only to get fed up with them.

Holding the book over the trash can he hesitated dropping it. The book was damaged and had done its job to get him out once a month to pay rent. It wasn't of value anymore.

“I’ll throw it away later” he told himself returning to his dusting. 

The book remained on the floor. Its title: _Steps To Get Out In The World_ watched him. 

_“Get out in the world”_ he thought bitterly.

This had been his world for years.

Sitting in his chair he picked up the workbook. Under his previous writing he drew a line to begin a new entry. 

_A man arrived at my door. I dined outside with him._

He thought for a moment before adding. 

_I enjoyed his company._

Gazing at the clock it was barely noon.

The previous meeting with Mr. Potter had been later in the evening. School ended at two which meant he couldn’t expect him until three at the earliest. Severus couldn't decide if he was being utterly ridiculous or not when he wished for time to move a little faster.

1:40 read the digital clock on his phone. 

“Expecting a call?” Luna asked. 

“No.”

She tilted her head. “That’s the twelfth time I've seen you look at your phone today.”

Harry placed his phone to the side. He should've been more attentive. “We need to get ready to go home.” Reaching over his messy desk he rang the bell. “Clean up time. Teddy, I see you hiding back there!” 

Teddy peered out from behind the stuffed hippo that was nearly as big as he was.

“No,” Rachel scolded him as he tried to ride the hippo. 

He smiled at her. She always liked to keep others in order. 

“Schedules everyone, time to go home.” 

Teddy and Rachel raced to their schedules.

“Walking feet” he reminded.

“Walk feet” Rachel repeated, shaking her finger at Ethan who was steadily walking along the tiled floor. 

“Going home Aiden.”

Huffing the little boy shook his head.

Exhaustion was pulling at everything inside of Harry, but he couldn’t leave Aiden laying on the carpet as he helped the others. “Going home he repeated holding the laminated image of a school bus.

Taking it they walked through their leaving procedures erasing their name, grabbing a backpack,and putting away their name tag. Sitting Aiden down he poked his head out of the door to check on the small bus just pulling up. A quick headcount then he was leading them out in a chain of held hands. 

_“Three on the bus, two car pick up.”_ He had to remind himself every day or he would end up putting them all on the bus because of the fatigue.

One by one he helped his kids on. 

“That’s three the bus” assistant counted “See you tomorrow.”

“We’re going too,” Luna said pushing Natalie along. 

“Goodbye, Natalie. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Natalie uncurled her hand in a wave. 

_“Then there was one”_ he thought, sitting beside Teddy. 

“Had a good day?”

“Yeah” Teddy pulled on the straps of his backpack, sticking the ends of it into his mouth.

“Don't do that. It’s dirty.”

“No it's not” Teddy said, pulling the slobbered end touching it to Harry's hand.

“That’s gross!”

“No it's not” Teddy laughed trying to do it again.

Scooting away he dodged the wet backpack strap.

“Teddy what are you doing?” Andromeda scolded pressing her hands onto her hip. “Leave Mr. Potter alone.”

“Bye.” Teddy waved, running to take her hand.

Waving goodbye he pulled out his phone again. 

“I could make it.” Smiling he hurried to the bus stop.

Walking up to Mr. Snape’s apartment he faltered when he saw an older man in the chair he had sat in the night before. His bright decorated socks stood out against his brown outfit. 

Before he could think of what to do the old man waved to him.

“Hi.” He looked to the door number it was 317. _“It would be bad to go to the wrong door again.”_

“Hello Mr. Potter. ” he said, holding out his hand.

Unsure he shook the offered hand. Remembering faces wasn’t one of his strengths if but he was sure that he didn’t remember meeting this elder man. Aside from his vivid socks, the long beard and fashionable half-moon glasses would’ve made it easier to recognize him if they had met before.

“I’m Albus. Severus has mentioned you.”

He could feel his cheeks blush. “Really?” 

“Albus did you-” The tray in Mr. Snape’s hand wobbled a little as he came to an abrupt stop once he saw Harry. “I wasn't expecting you until later.”

“I sort of ran out of work a little early.”

“Is that wise?”

“I can skip out here and there” he assured, feeling his feet move a step closer.

Mr. Potter had come back. The realization that seeing this man on his doorstep could become a new norm was... unsettling? There was something about this man that sent his palms sweat a little. If it weren’t for the tray in his hands he was sure that the gap between them would be enclosed.

“Will you be joining us?” Albus asked bring attention to the fact that it wasn't just them.

“I’m sorry I could come back if-”

“Nonsense!”Albus said. “Though it does seem that we'll need a third chair, Severus.”

“I’ll help you” Mr. Potter volunteered. 

“No, that's alright” he said, placing the tray down.

“Embarrassed of a messy house?”

The comment baffled him. Cleanliness was a trait that he held in high regard. Did Mr. Potter assume that he would be a messy homeowner? “It is not that.”

Glancing at Albus he fought to not frown. The bloody old coot was smirking.

“You must excuse Severus, he's particular over things. Come have a seat.”

Nodding thanks he returned inside. For some reason he felt nervous about leaving Albus with Mr. Potter. Albus was hardly the type to disclose other’s personal information yet he could be every bit of an annoying grandfather type. 

“A chair. A chair” Severus was beginning to notice how little he had in terms of furniture. He only had his swivel chair and the antique loveseat his mother had gifted him. 

Tenderly he touched the antique chair. It was no time to be like this, he had to get back to preventing Albus from talking Harry's ear off. Grabbing the swivel chair he rolled it outside. 

Mr. Potter smiled at him as Albus continued to talk about... stamps apparently. 

“Oh Severus another cup if you please. I'm sure Mr. Potter would also like tea.”

“Of course.” Once again he disappeared into the apartment.

A small smile graced his face as he pulled the new cup out of the cabinet. With extra care he brought it out.

“Thank you” Harry said taking the cup. 

It was perhaps one of the nicest cup he'd seen: it was black with intricate green etching that reminded him of the way vines grew over walls. When he tipped it just right light passed through the etchings reflecting green light around. 

“That is quite a cup” Albus remarked, eyes falling to Mr. Snape.

“I found it on sale.”

“Severus is quite good at finding deals. He got mine on sale as well” Albus said lifting up his own cup.

Albus’s cup was just as colorful as his socks were, dotted with bright polka dots. Both of their cups were nothing like Mr. Snape's own generic white cup with a blue rim. 

“Severus has mentioned that you are a teacher.”

“Preschool special education” he said proudly. 

“That must be a difficult age.” 

“It actually helps that they are all really cute. I don't think I could handle the upper grades. What do you do?” 

“Aside from sharing tea with Severus?” Albus smiled. “I am a postal worker. So Mr. Potter-”

“Albus should you be going?” Mr. Snape asked.

“Very thoughtful of you.” Checking his watch Albus smiled. “I have ample time my boy.”

Mr. Snape sipped his tea. 

“So Mr. Potter tell me more about yourself.”

“Albus I don’t think he appreciates you interrogating him.”

“It’s fine.”

Severus pressed the edge of his cup to his mouth again.

Having Albus here made him acutely aware of how little experience he had dealing with other people. To him Albus seemed intrusive, however Mr. Potter seemed unbothered by the old man.

Listening to the two talking he kept his cup against his mouth.

He sorely lacked Albus freedom to speak about whatever he pleased. 

How many more times could he expect Mr. Potter’s presence before it became abundantly clear that he should’ve been somewhere else?

“I must be off,” Albus said sometime later. “It was a pleasure to meet you Mr. Potter.”

“You too.”

It took everything not to glare at the wink Albus gave him before walking out of sight. He would have to explain why it was inappropriate to do such things. 

“I should’ve called ahead,” Mr. Potter said, caressing the edge of his cup.

“That wouldn't be feasible.”

Mr. Potter looked to his feet.

“I meant you wouldn't be able to call considering I hadn't given you my number.” 

“Would you?”

 _“Why would he want it?”_ he thought while holding out his hand. “I will put it into your phone. I don’t trust you not to read the numbers correctly if I wrote it down.”

Handing over his cell phone, Severus spotted a light blush on Mr. Potter’s face. “You can't say you haven't made a stupid mistake like that before.” 

“Can’t I?” he teased handing back the cell phone.

Holding the cell phone a bit tenderly, Mr. Potter looked to him. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Surely you have more pressing matters than paying me a visit.”

“The I.E.P.s!” Mr. Potter smacked his head.

“The what?”

“Individual education plans. They're basically a breakdown of tasks my kids need to meet. I have to work on them” he groaned.

“Then perhaps it's best that you shouldn't come tomorrow.” 

“You’re right” Mr. Potter said, sounding dejected.

“Perhaps,” he cleared his throat. “If you would care to, we could work out a schedule.”

“That sounds good.” Smiling Mr. Potter stood.“I got to go.”

“Goodbye Mr. Potter.” 

“Goodbye.”

A few minutes later his cell phone buzzed. Flipping it open he found a new text.

_Mr. Snape_

_Yes._ He texted back. 

_This is Harry.. Harry Potter_

_I figured as much Mr. Potter._

_Wanted to make sure you could text_

_Unfortunately that is what phones are reduced to instead of calling one another._

Bzzzz his phone rang.

On the other end he could hear so much background noise; from chatting to wind sweeping past. 

“Hi” Mr. Potter spoke softly.

“Talking on the phone was prohibited on the bus last time I checked.”

“I just wanted to say thank you again and Wednesdays are my shorter days so maybe I could...visit then?”

“I'll see you on Wednesday Mr. Potter.”


	4. Chapter 4

Being buried under extraneous paperwork was made bearable by the set meeting with Mr. Snape.

“You seem to be in a good mood.” Hermione commented from the doorway. 

She looked as rundown as ever, a sticky note clung to the back of her elbow.

“I'm nearly there,” he said, waving around the thick binder he used as a template.

One thing no one had bothered to mention entering education was just how much paper you worked through. The lower his students were the more tasks they had which meant more data sheets and practice sheets and sheet protectors to put it all together in somewhat of a presentable fashion. He needed to go paperless but it was so much easier to tick off boxes and scribble number trials by hand during the busy school days. 

_“Maybe not so easy”_ he thought, glancing at an ineligible mark it could've been 2/5 or 4/5.

“That’s good to hear.” Noticing the sticky note she plucked it off giving a quick read before holding it. “Apparently I need to buy more expo pens.” She placed the sticky note back.

“We go through those a lot here too.”

“I don't understand. I bought five boxes at the beginning of the year. It should've been enough.” 

Harry shrugged. “My kids don't cover them well. One tried to eat it.”

“That reminds me, Malfoy said that you'll be getting help really soon.”

“Define soon.” 

“Two weeks.”

He’d heard that before. It was a common thing they said he would believe it when he saw someone walk into his door who wasn't a part of the speech team or an occupational therapist.

  
  


Severus regretted limiting Mr. Potter’s visits. There was something about the young man that intrigued him however that was hardly enough to allow both of them to neglect their work for the sake of seeing each other. Wednesdays would have to suffice.

****

“Could I ask you something?” Mr. Potter asked that Wednesday.

“In addition to that I assume” he said, setting down his tea.

“Would you like to come with me to a bar this weekend?”

“I wouldn't have guessed you for the partying type.” 

“I’m not.” Mr. Potter ran a hand through his hair. “It's not like a party or anything. I just thought we could you know, have a drink together.”

Severus frowned. 

This was where the line between him and Mr. Potter was drawn. He could never go where this man went.

“As much as I would care to indulge I'm afraid I can't.”

“That's okay. Maybe another time.”

“Perhaps” the word slipped from his mouth. That word meant a promise; one that he was sure couldn't be kept. 

“Do you make plans for the weekend?”

“I tend to keep at home.” 

“You don’t ever just go out?”

“I do not.”

“Oh,”

“How about you Mr. Potter?”

“Harry,” he said, trying to keep his nerves out of his voice. “My friends call me Harry.”

“And you’ve come to the conclusion that's what we are.”

“Well it would be strange if we weren't.” 

“I agree” Severus smirked. “You may call me Severus then.”

“Alright Severus.”

Why did saying his name make his stomach flutter so much?

“So how often do you waste your time going out?”

“I’m actually a home body especially after a hard week. My old flatmate used to pull me out to go to bars or anywhere that wasn't my room all the time.” 

“Sounds awful.”

“Actually I am lucky to have a friend like that.” He thought about all the things that happened and didn’t because of Ron pushing him to interact with the world. 

“How long have you been friends with Albus?”

Severus didn't know exactly when it became routine for Albus to appear for a chat. 

“It seems like you know him a while.”

“I have.” 

The first time he met Albus he’d thought him to be just an obnoxious old man with bright accessories. Back then he thought it was by chance that Albus was the one who always came to deliver his mail. If anyone had told him that they would’ve become friendly he wouldn’t have believed them.

“I wasn't quite his friend in the beginning. He was odd and far too nosy. I was sure he would tire of coming over frequently.”

“I’m glad he didn't. It's good to have a friend.” Harry said a little too cheerfully, knocking the tea. Quickly he caught the kettle only managing to spill a little on his hand. 

“Let me see,” Harry said promptly, picking up his reddened hand dabbing it with a fresh napkin before blowing on it. 

Transfixed he stared as Harry continued to gently rub his hand with the pad of his thumb as he blew. It was hardly an injury requiring that much attention.

Emerald eyes looked up at him. Realization dawned causing Harry to move away. 

“Sorry I sometimes go into teacher mode.” 

“Is this how you treat all your student injuries?” he asked, looking away from his hand.

“Sort of it's just some of my kids are at that age where the littlest bump sends them into a crying fit like they broke something. To avoid everyone getting upset you have to blow the pain away. I know it doesn't do much but it helps them feel better.” Standing Harry kept his eyes towards the ground. “I need to go. Sorry.”

“I am fine Harry.” To make his point he touched the back of Harry’s hand. 

“I really should go... my bus.”

“Until next Wednesday then.”

****

After spending weeks visiting Severus, Harry was hoping that this time with the man would agree to go out with him. It wasn't as if he didn't enjoy time spent outside the apartment; it just felt as though they should see a movie together or something.

With determination not to take no for an answer he knocked on Severus’s door.

“Harry? Have you gotten the days mixed up.” Severus smirked leaning in the doorway. “It’s Saturday. Shouldn't you be out with your friends?”

“I want you to come with me,” he said quickly before he lost his nerve.

Severus brow raised.

“Where exactly are you trying to take me?”

“To the movies.” 

Severus snorted.

“There's decent movies on. We could see an action movie.”

“I’m not a fan of them.”

“There’s a historical one about NASA” he said recalling the line up he had memorized.

Severus did not look impressed.

“A comedy!” 

Severus crossed his arms over his chest. “Harry,” he said in that tone that always preceded the rejection he received for weeks now.

This was failing. 

_“He doesn't want to be seen with you. He's been just putting up with your existence like everyone else”_ the negative voices whispered in his head. 

A little forceful he took Severus’s hand pulling him away from the door. 

“Come On! It'll be fun. You could use a break from work now and then” he said, words flying out of his mouth so quickly as he felt Severus resist every single tug.

“Harry.” Severus’s face paled. 

_“He doesn’t like you. No one likes you. Why would anyone like you? You’re a useless thing.”_

“You don't have to worry about paying.” He pulled harder. 

_“Useless. Unloveable.”_

“It'll be my treat,” he said louder over the voices.

_“Can’t you feel him trying to get away from you?”_

“If we hurry we can make the next bus.”

Severus began to shake as though every cell in his body was trying to flee. 

_“I can’t. I can’t. It’s not safe.”_

His heart pounded violently in his ears making it hard to hear what Harry was saying. All he knew was that his arm was being pulled. He was being pulled somewhere not safe. Only his apartment was safe.

“STOP” Using his strength he ripped Harry’s hand off him. 

_“Not. Safe. Not Safe!”_

Flinching away from Harry’s touch he crawled back to his apartment. _“He is going to force me to go somewhere. It's dangerous.”_

Resting his hand against his apartment door he tried to reign in control over himself. Breathing deeply he tried to remind himself that he was at home. That the wood under his sweating palms was his own. 

When Harry moved closer he gripped the end of the chair in front of him. Nothing was going to make him move from this spot. He couldn’t go where Harry went.

“Severus?” 

Closing his eyes he listened as Harry’s footsteps disappeared.

_“Look what you did!”_

Running past the bus stop just beyond the apartment complex he didn’t even try to wipe the tears away. The image of Severus pressed against the door flashed in his head like a nightmare. 

_“This is your fault.”_

The man always gave off this air of being so composed so put together. Whatever caused him to look so fearful it was his fault. 

Everything was his fault.

It was always his fault.

_“They were right about you. Look what you’ve done! It's your fault!”_

The weight of his legs didn't come close to the pressure welling up in his chest.

****

The screen of Harry’s phone lit up against the darkened room. It had rung at least three times in the last ten minutes. Turning over he ignored the incessant buzzing. He could afford to ignore it just once more before Hermione sent Ron to check up on him. 

Every time he closed his eyes he saw Severus. Saw the pure fear in those dark eyes that he enjoyed looking into. He could hear the shaking in that voice he enjoyed hearing. The more he thought about it the more he didn’t understand why Severus acted like that. 

_“Because he hates you. He was just putting up with you. You useless thing.”_

Bzzz.

“I’m not useless” he argued weakly against the voice in his head. 

Bzzzzzz. 

Bzzzzz.

He knew he couldn't fall down this path again. He needed to answer his phone. 

Reaching for it, he looked at his screen saver of Ron and Hermione holding up a sign saying _we love you_. 

Swiping it open he expected to see Hermione's name pop up instead it was said Severus. Gripping his phone he turned the screen off. 

***

“Harry you need to eat something.”

“I don't feel like eating” he said as Hermione took a bite of her power bar. 

According to her there was hardly enough time for a proper meal between meetings which was highly hypocritical of her judging his lack of lunch. 

“We bought groceries a few days ago.”

“It’s fine Hermione.” He flicked through one of his student's datasheets.

Work kept him from thinking about yesterday. If he didn’t think about it he could get through the day. Getting through the day was all that mattered right now.

“You didn't respond to the text earlier.”

“I forgot my phone at home.” _“on purpose”_ he added to himself.

Seeing _Severus_ listed under missed calls would bother him all day if he hadn't. 

She shook her partially eaten power bar at him. “It's a waste if you forget it.”

“I know.”

“Harry,” She had that look, the one that came right before she would ask that he was alright. The one that made his lies of “I’m fine” feel like stones in his gut. She always worried about him. She shouldn't have to. He could handle his own feelings. Everyone else could manage the things in their head without feeling as though they were falling apart. He could at least pretend.

Again her eyes gazed at his arms. Fighting the urge to pull down his sleeves he met her eyes.

“Did something happen over the weekend?” 

“No. I’m just tired. It’s hard to get used to having someone helping out with the kids.” he lied.

“Your parapro will get the hang of it. What if we go out this weekend. It’ll be something to look forward to.”

“Sure.”

Severus stared at his phone at the upper corner of his desk. He had been staring at it since morning. Every chance he got to look away from his computer screen he watched his phone but Harry still hasn't returned his phone calls. 

A sense of bitterness began to fill him as the evening came. This hadn't been the first time a ‘friend’ had thought he was too much trouble. 

People left. Leaving him behind was easy; he could never follow where they went. 

Only Albus for who knew what reason had decided to stick around. It was a fantasy to think that Mr. Potter would return.

This was an inevitable outcome. Harry wasn't some pure soul sent to him; he was just another person who had simply didn't have the intention to deal with someone with limitations. 

Harshly he typed against his keyboard. 

It was better to just forget about Harry. 

****

The drink placed in front of him didn't look at all appealing but there wasn't much he could say about the overused tiny umbrellas sticking out of it or the way that whatever inside swirled uncomfortably like his empty stomach.

“Harry,” Ron said, lifting up his drink. 

Plastering on a smile he toasted. “Why did you even get this?”

“Cedric bought it, said it was one of the best. You know me, I don't like those fruity drinks. I thought it would be rude not to take it.”

“I’m starting to think you like coming here for the free drinks.”

“It is nice.”

“Should I warn Hermione?” he motioned with his head over to her talking to Cedric.

With her hair down and the shiny tank top she was wearing she fit right in among the fashionable bar customers.

“Nope the only bloke I love is you, and my dad but it's kind of embarrassing to admit that to him.” 

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed.” 

Ron's ears turned red as he took another sip. “Are you going to sit here all night?”

“I was expecting Hermione to finish the interrogation before being pulled out of here.”

Ron shook his head. Sliding into the booth next to him. “If you want we can go. There's nothing to eat here except some crisps.”

“It’s fine.” 

“Mate,” Ron rested a hand on his shoulder. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, avoiding eye contact.

It was always harder to lie to Ron. Ron had been there during the hard times back in college. 

“I won’t tell her.”

“It's not good to keep secrets from your fiance,” he pointed out. 

“So there _is_ something wrong.”

“I’m just tired.” 

Ron leaned back against the booth. “Because you've not eaten.”

Keeping his eyes to the drink in front of him he tried not to confirm Ron’s assumption.

“How long?” 

Biting his lip he knew that when Ron was right about this sort of thing he wouldn’t let it go. “Since Sunday” he whispered, hoping that the music would drown out the confession. 

When he looked up Ron looked stark white as if he thought he was going to kill over any second. Truthfully Ron was exaggerating all of this. He felt fine; a little dizzy when he moved too much, and there were the headaches that came and went. The constant churning sensation in his stomach as nothing. So was the way his heart felt like it had fallen straight into his gut or the tingling in his fingers. They were not a problem. 

It wasn't bad at all. 

He could survive for more than a few days of not eating. 

He still could function.

“I’m fine.”

“That’s not fine Harry. Not even close to being fine.” Ron glanced over to Hermione still in deep conversation. Ron waved at her pointing to his phone. She nodded. 

“Come on,” Ron said, sliding out of the booth. “A bar isn't really the place to talk.” 

“You’re overreacting” he tried to object but the pressure in his head made him sway enough for Ron to place a hand to steady him. 

Outside of the bar he had to pull his jacket a little tighter against himself. It was so cold. 

“What’s this about and don’t say nothing. Not eating is serious.”

“I know.” He hugged himself tighter, squeezing his upper arms. “I didn’t want to start up again.”

“Starving yourself isn't any better,” Ron said, placing his jacket over him.

“I know.” He did. He knew what he was doing wasn’t good. He knew that he would get caught eventually. There were only so many ways to hide the fact he wasn’t eating. Only so many “I already ate” or “I’ll eat something later” that he could say. Sooner or later his body would fight back against this and then Ron or Hermione would have to pick him back up. That was the hardest part, knowing that you were falling to pieces and still didn’t feel the need to fix it. 

“Is it work?”

“I can handle work. I finally got some help.” He tried to smile but Ron’s serious frown made the attempt falter. 

“You have to tell me or I swear I'll get Hermione involved in this.” 

They both sat down at the end of the curb. Ron’s jacket was helping a little against the cold. 

“Is it that bloke? The one at the apartment.”

Bunching up the sleeves of Ron’s jacket he nodded. 

“Did he do something because I will punch the bastard in the face.”

“It was my fault,” he muttered.

“Fuck. I’m going to kick his arse!” Ron said shooting to his feet. 

“He didn’t do anything.” Grabbing his hand he pulled Ron back to sit on the curb. “I... I don’t know what happened. I’ve been visiting him for a couple of weeks.” He could tell that Ron wanted to report that to Hermione but didn’t say a word. “ On Saturday I went over to invite him to movies and... he freaked out.”

“What do you mean freaked out?”

“Like he was afraid of going with me.” 

“Freak” Ron muttered not too quietly. He hit Ron's arm. “I’m just saying no one could think you were threatening.”

“Actually I was pulling him very hard.” He wrung his hands together. “I just wanted to go out... I never meant to... but it was my fault.”

“Harry you can't starve yourself because some bloke didn't want to go see a movie.” 

“You didn't see the way he looked at me. It was like he thought I was going to kill him.” 

“You need to eat Harry,” Ron said after a beat of silence. “If you really feel bad just go apologize. I could drive you tomorrow. That way if he really is a freak I can-”

“I don't need you to fight him.”

Ron wrapped a hand around his shoulder pulling him into a half hug. “The offer will always be there. I don’t care who I have to fight...You’re my best mate.”

****

“Ridiculous” Severus hissed at his computer screen. 

The world was filled with complete imbeciles and he was working with some lacking any sense. His fingers ached from the pressure he banged the keys.

For a week straight not a single report had gone without extensive additions that were necessary. Everything felt completely wrong from his work to the books on his shelves, to the state of his home. No matter what he did, he felt frustrated, irritated to the point that he wanted to hurl everything he owned out of the window. Albus wasn’t so much help constantly asking questions about Harry.

How many times did he have to tell the old coot that Harry wasn’t going to come back? People like Harry didn’t need to be stuck with someone like him. 

A knock on the door paused his sending of the twentieth email that day. Furious he went to the door. If it was Albus he would tell him off before slamming the door in his face. 

Swinging the door open all of his anger dissipated at the sorrowful emerald eyes meeting him. One part of him wanted to hide behind the safety of his door so that he wouldn't be dragged again while the other felt relieved beyond words to see Harry again. His face looked tired. 

For a long bout of silence they just looked at one another. 

Severus did quite understand why it felt like they needed it. The silence of this week had felt unnatural, yet standing face to face it felt warranted.

“I’m sorry,” they said in unison.

“You go first,” Harry offered. 

His fingers twitched against the door handle. For a moment he was at a loss for words. In the passing days, he had gone from drafting long apologies in his head to rants filled with anger at the lack of communication.

Taking another look at Harry it appeared that he was sick, his eyes dulled and there was a bit of a sway in his stance. 

“I apologize that you had to see me like that.”

“It was my fault” Harry jumped in, eyes so big and tear-filled that he couldn’t think to snap at the man. 

“It’s hardly your fault. I,” he pressed his hand to his head. “I should've been more forthcoming about something.” The swaying of Harry was worsening. “Please sit.” 

When Harry did he felt his heartbeat shoot up into his neck. It felt as if anything he said would really make this man disappear. He had grown accustomed to his visits and his laughter. Not having it this past week had already thrown his life into disarray. 

“There's a reason why I’ve denied your invitations to go out and it had little to do with my movie preference or that I find the idea of going to the movies with you unappealing... I simply can not leave here.”

Harry's eyes shot to his ankle looking for what he expected was a monitor for people under house arrest. 

“That is not the case” he assured but Harry maintained a concerned look. “I have agoraphobia.”

Harry scrunched his brows in thought.

“It’s an anxiety disorder,” he said softly, hating the fact that he had to explain it. “I have a difficult time leaving my home. That day you ... surprised me. I should have mentioned it before.”

“Albus knows?”

“Yes, he helps me whenever he can.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before? I could've helped.”

“You take care of children all day. You hardly needed another thing to worry about.”  
“And this?” Harry ran a hand over the table.

“A way to prevent me from fully being a shut-in.”

“Agoraphobia...” 

Severus didn’t care for Harry to say that word. He hated having it hang between them.

“Does that also make it hard to let people in your house?”

“No, that had nothing to do with it. I haven't had anyone enter my home in a long time.”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure.” In the beginning there might have been a reason but it was now long forgotten. 

  
  


It was so hard for Harry to wrap his head around this. “So you never leave here?”

“The furthest I've gone was around the corner.”

Harry couldn't imagine being trapped in his home all the time. He had to get out now and again. How did Severus survive without stepping out? 

“Do not be concerned about me. This is how I've lived for many years.”

There were so many questions. 

“Could I still come over?” That was the only question that mattered to him right now.

“It’s not something you must force yourself to do. You don’t need to obligate yourself.” 

“I’m not forcing myself.” If he could he would tell him just how much he missed coming here. How much he wanted to see him but felt like he shouldn't. 

“Very well I shall leave my schedule open.”

A car horn honked making the two of them jump. Severus grabbed onto Harry carefully steadying him. His eyes traced Severus jawline up to his lips then those dark eyes that felt as though they could look right through him. 

Severus turned his head. “Did you come with someone?”

“What?” Harry blinked a little too fixated on the sound of his voice so close to him.

“There's a strange red-head looking at you.”

“Oh.” he turned to face Ron who stuck his head out of the car. His face was red but pinched into a grimace. _“Ron never could look intimidating,”_ he thought. “That’s my friend Ron. He drove me here.” 

Ron looked to Severus motioning with a tilt of his chin. 

Harry shook his head. There really wasn’t a need to fight Severus. 

Ron nodded before sliding back into the car. 

“You should not keep him waiting,” Severus said, almost sounding disappointed. 

“Wednesday. I’ll be back Wednesday.”

“Until then.” Severus took a few steps away.

With a wave Harry rushed to Ron’s car.

“So what do you think?”

“Looked a bit different than I was expecting” Ron said somewhat tightly. 

“He’s nice.” 

Ron didn't say anything. 

“Don’t tell ‘mione about this.”

Ron drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. “I won’t tell if you one,” he held up his finger. “call me the second anything goes bad.” 

“Ron-”

“I’m serious. Anything no matter what you call me got it?” 

“Okay.”

“Two I get to pick where we are going to eat.”

“Deal.”

_Set small goals_ read the somewhat not so helpful text in his book. All the goals he’d set felt so minuscule compared to the example laid in front of him: _take a walk around town._ Sitting outside his door was not going to cut it if he wanted to return to the outside world. Severus couldn’t decide if he _did_ want to return.

Did he even have that sort of resolve? It took years to get used to going out one day per month.

 _“A plan”_ That was what he needed.

Jotting down how long of a distance it was to walk around the complex and dividing it into short chunks he calculated it would take him a year. 

That didn't feel good enough. 

Groaning he placed his head into his hand. He regretted ending therapy even if the therapist had been settled with was as strange as a person could be. Dr. Trelawny constantly tried to connect his problems with the changing stars or whatever crock she was trying to sell. She hadn't even looked like a therapist more like a fortune teller who by happenstance stumbled into a therapist’s office. But she had managed to get him far enough to pay his rent. 

“I can do this without her,” he said restrategizing.

 _Day 1: attempt to reach the tree_ _30 feet._

Severus laid the book down on his table. He could do this. To the tree and back. 

Taking the first shaky step away from the table he focused solely on the tree ahead. All he had to do was touch it then go back home. If he did it, it wouldn’t take the rest of his life to go somewhere. 

The edge of the table felt like a tether; he was worried to let go of but he had to.

“Only 30 feet.” He took another step. “I’m safe. I’ve done this before.” 

_“Not alone”_ his mind reminded. 

He stumbled back. 

That was right he hadn't done this alone. Who was he kidding? 

He wasn't going to make it. 

If he couldn't do this bare minimum he was never going to be like everyone else who freely walked outside. 

Practically running back he snatched his book.

_Day 1: FAILURE._

_Day 2: attempt to reach the tree._

He had to start thinking about this like the trials within his reports. One attempt hardly sufficed for conclusive evidence of his inability to go out. Inside his home he felt sure about this. Here the plan seemed too simple, doable. It was once he stepped out that somehow stripped away all of that. But Severus was stubborn. 

Stubbornness was hardly helpful in many areas of his life this time however, he wasn't going to let that fearful side of himself win. It had been too long. 

Glaring down the tree he tried again. One step then the next with determination that this wasn't going to be like yesterday. He wasn't going to fail. More than anything he hated failure.

 _“Not safe”_ the voice in his head warned. 

“It is” he argued through gritted teeth as he took another unsteady step. 

On he pushed himself ignoring the way his chest contracted with each breath and the shaking of his hands. He wouldn’t be a failure. 

Another step. 

If he reached out he'd just barely touch the tree. 

Another step. 

Lightheaded he outstretched his hand. Once his fingers touched the bark he nearly collapsed into the tree but refrained from doing so. The neighbors would stare at that and he wouldn't be able to handle the added attention right now. 

Catching his breath he ran his fingers over the carved initials. The bark felt rough under his fingertips. It almost felt odd to touch it, as if he'd never touched a tree before. 

“Severus?” Albus stood shocked looking at him.

“Good,” he paused, noticing that his voice sounded tight. “Good afternoon Albus.”

Albus checked his watch. “It’s not the first.”

“I know.”

Albus smiled. “I knew that young man would be good for you.”

“Albus” he groaned. 

“I do hope this doesn't mean I'm no longer allowed to visit.”

Although he knew it was a joke something inside of him clenched at the thought. “You are always welcomed, Albus.” 

“Do you need assistance back?”

“No, I can do that.” 

Going back he noticed, annoyingly, was impressively faster. At the very least he could consider today not a failure. 

“Did you get a new therapist?” Albus asked as they sat.

“No” 

Albus fiddled with his glasses; he often did that when he was about to say something that would upset him. “You shouldn't be doing such things alone.”

“I'm not going to go back to that Trelawny woman.” He could still remember her large glasses that bugged out her eyes. 

Albus tilted his head just right to peer over his half-moon glasses. “It would do you good.” 

“I have worked out a plan for myself,” he said. 

It had taken months to be able to make the walk he had to do every month if he pushed himself he wouldn’t have to exceed that time frame.

“I have to ask why have you decided to try now?”

“I realized it was time.”

“I am proud of you my boy.” 

Scolding his features he ignored the way those words set off an unnatural warmth in his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

“Agoraphobia” Harry muttered to himself once again. 

The tabs on his phone had been overrun by the term when he got the spelling right. Often his phone acted as a medical archive to help better understand his student's needs. Not once did he do this for another adult.

“New student?” Hermione asked. “You’ve been so interested in your phone” she added when he looked up from his phone.

“No. I'm just looking up stuff for fun.”

“For fun?” she repeated in a skeptical tone.

“You’re not the only person who can look up stuff for fun.”

“True. what are you researching?”

“Agoraphobia.”

“Why?”

“I thought it seemed interesting.”

“Alright but don't start self-diagnosing with the internet it rarely turns out well.”

“I won’t. I think I have more than enough to deal with.”

Hermione tapped the end of her pencil onto the table. “Come to dinner.”

He chuckled.

“Please I miss you.”

“How? We see each other every day.”

“Please have dinner tomorrow night. You can sleepover. It'll save you a bus ride.”

“As much as I could use the savings I have plans tomorrow” he beamed.

“What?”

“You don't have to look so shocked.”

“Did you meet someone?”

“It’s not like,” he huffed. “We are friends.”

“Well then invite your friend over. Ron won't mind making an extra helping.” 

“He can’t,” he said, imagining how horrified Severus would be if he dared tried to bring him. For as long as they were friends he never wanted to witness that sort of panic again.

“What about Thursday?”

He shook his head.

“Friday?”

“He’s extremely busy.”

Her arms crossed over her chest. “Doing what?”

“Work.”

“How could you know that you didn’t even ask him.”

“But-”

She narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Fine, I’ll ask.”

  
  


_Day 3: Make it to the office.130 feet._

Severus felt good about today by three Harry would be here which gave him enough time to complete this task. All night he prepared himself for this. With yesterday's success, he felt his legs were steadier than before as he walked out of his apartment.

“First to the tree.” 

Each step he focused on the tree; its carving, the feel of it. When his hands touched it excitement fled through him. It had to be the quickest he'd ever made it to the tree. Not even his breathing felt labored. 

Turning to face the sidewalk he stepped away from the tree. “One hundred feet” he reminded himself. One step after the other he successfully turned the corner of his building. 

Laughter from somewhere above knocked the confidence out of him. Without warning his legs all but gave out of him. 

_“Not safe.”_

“It is” he battled with himself again. 

Frustration rose up along with the shaking of his hands. Forcing himself forward he fell to the ground. Minutes ticked by as he stayed there. The palms of his hands were an irritated red. 

_“Not safe. Go back”_ his mind repeated.

Pushing up from the ground he rushed back. 

“Failure.” Bitterly he scrubbed his scratched hands.

Severus couldn't bring himself to try once more. He didn't want Harry to see him in the same distressed state as last time.

  
  


Nervously Harry bounded from the bus stop up to the apartment complex. Adjusting his backpack he knocked on Severus’ door. 

“Good evening Harry.” 

Hearing his name again set off a fluttering in his stomach. “Hi.” 

“Something on your mind?”

“I was wondering if it would be okay to come inside.”

Severus' fingers twitched at his side. Harry wasn't sure what to make of it. None of his searches mentioned agoraphobics didn't allow others into their homes and Severus said it didn't have anything to do with it. 

“If you are uncomfortable about that, it's fine.” He adjusted his backpack again. “I should've asked ahead of time so you could clean up.”

“My house is never a mess,” Severus said with a small frown. 

“I wouldn't know,” he smirked.

A breath of silence went by before Severus stepped to the side pulling his door open. “Come in.”

Repressing the urge to ask if Severus was sure he walked in. 

Inside was cleaner than most places he went to. Everything seemed to be ridiculously organized from the bookshelves that towered to the ceiling to his work desk that didn't have a single paper out of place. Even the kitchen looked like it hadn't been touched since Severus moved in. 

“Definitely not messy,” he said, feeling more than slightly self-conscious of his own apartment's current state.

“Tea?” 

“Actually, I was thinking” he glanced towards the medium tv against the wall. “I still want to go see a movie with you.” 

He half expected Severus to jump onto the counter like a cat but the man waited watching him warily. 

“So I brought some stuff” Unzipping his backpack he pulled out his dvd player, two bags of microwave popcorn, and a case filled with dvds. 

Severus let out a chuckle, Harry found that he liked that sound a lot.

“You lugged an entire dvd player. You do know there are more efficient ways to watch a movie?”

“I do.” he blushed. “It's just there's something about placing the dvd in and the sound it makes you know. Plus where else can I watch commercials for movies that were “coming soon” like ten years ago.” 

Picking up a bag of popcorn Severus smirked. “I don't think I’ve had popcorn in a few years.” 

“Then it's settled tonight's movie night!”

As Harry busied himself with attaching the various wires to his tv Severus began to flip through the dvd case. There were tons of movies, not just ten or twenty but over a hundred. The way Harry had stacked a few within each sleeve was a bit of a bother to him until he realized they were at least placed with the same franchise and alphabetically. 

“Where did you get all of these?”

“Some from friends but most were from thrift shops. You can get four for a dollar, sometimes more if you’re lucky.”

“You’ve seen all of these?” 

“Yeah I try to keep myself from buying too much by watching them at least five times.” Harry picked up the bags of popcorn. “You do have a microwave right?”

“I do.“

“Could I use it or?”

“You are free to use it.” 

Harry bit his bottom lip. “If I do anything that you don't like just tell me.”

“Understood.” 

To have someone in his home was unthinkable. He couldn't believe that he was letting Harry walk in and invade the space, no that wasn't exactly right Harry was stepping into a space that he'd never allowed anyone before but this didn’t feel like an invasion. Nothing inside of him was screaming to get Harry out. And if it did he could've drowned it out with the sounds of popping coming from the kitchen.

“Your apartment is very nice.” Harry passed by looking at his lengthy bookshelf. “Have you read all of these?”

“I have.”

“I can't even get through one book. Movies are easier to sit through and don't take years for me to finish.” 

“You don't read at all?”

“If Dr. Seuss counts then I’ve read all the classics; _Cat in the Hat_ , _1 fish 2 fish green fish blue fish_ ,” Harry touched a few books along the shelf. “You seem to be missing those in your collection.”

“I’ll be sure to add them.”

Harry smiled moving towards his desk. Just as he was going to ask not to touch anything Harry stopped staring towards the small door beneath the stairs.

 _Beep. beep._ The microwave sounded.

“I’ll go get that. Pick any movie you want.”

There was quite a lot to choose from. Frankly he wasn't sure anything would be to his taste, not that he really had any in terms of movies. Without the cover’s synopsis he couldn't even gather an idea of what the movies would be about. 

Settling for the first dvd he popped it into the player. The blaring “coming soon to dvd” made him dive for the remote.

Harry laughed. “It gets me all the time too. Commercials are always louder than the actual movie. Hope you don't mind sharing a bag. I can't stand cold popcorn.” He said as he shook some onto a paper napkin.

He couldn’t understand how normal it felt to have Harry here as if they'd always shared popcorn and watched movies. 

“The Astronaut's Wife” Harry exclaimed.

He raised an eyebrow at the sudden outburst.

“I watch these a lot I bet you could do the same with your books.”

He could recite premise, plot points, and characters but to know a movie based on the commercials preceding it had to be a skill Harry solely possessed.

Crawling over to the player Harry skipped through the commercials. Not everyone liked to watch old commercials like he did. “Why did you pick this movie?”

“It was the first in your selection.” 

“Are you going in order?” 

“It would be the most practical approach.”

Harry shook his head. “Picking a movie shouldn't be based on practicality.” 

“What do you base your choices on then?”

“Whatever looks good.” 

“I would think a teacher would know the meaning of never judging a book by its cover.”

“Dvds are different, especially old ones that put all the best scenes on the back.” Finally he clicked onto the dvd menu pressing play before crawling back to rest against the leg of the love seat. 

“Would you like a chair?”

“This is fine. I'm used to sitting on carpets. Oh, I should've mentioned I have this rule that we have to watch a movie at least fifteen minutes in before you're allowed to change it.”

Ron was always quick to get bored with movies in the first five minutes. They never could get through anything that Ron hadn’t seen and approved of first. It was one thing that frustrated him to no end.

“We’ll watch the whole thing through. I need to know how it ends.”

“Alright” he turned back watching the opening credits move by. A little into it he looked at Severus’ eyes fixated on the screen but his body remained stiff.

 _“He doesn't like this”_ he thought, munching on his popcorn.

He had to admit this movie had a slow start. _“He’s not even eating the popcorn.”_

“This is hardly how they should conduct themselves” Severus remarked as the two leads began making out in the middle of a party. 

“That’s Hollywood for you. Basically everywhere is good enough for the leads to snog.” 

A few more minutes in Severus seemed to relax. 

“I don’t understand what happened.” 

“The wife thinks something strange is going on and the wife of the other astronaut just made a comment about her husband acting odd after the return from space” he said turning up the volume a little. Some scenes were just complete mumble fests. 

A sense of satisfaction went through him when Severus actually began to reach for the popcorn. As the tension in the movie grew he could feel Severus lean more forward in his seat as if he needed to get close enough to warn the poor main character that she was in danger.

Towards the end of the film Severus found himself sitting close to Harry gripping the edge of his hand rests to stop himself from jumping out of his chair to berate the idiocy of the main character.

Why was she even attempting to fight off this thing if it had already killed a few people? If he were in her position he would’ve run as far away as possible.

“This can't be how it ends.” 

Harry’s face held a hardly suppressed little smile as he said “Just watch.”

There had to be only a few minutes left and he doubted it would end properly in that time.

His groans were overrun by Harry’s laughter as the last scene faded to the ending credit scroll.

“That is how they choose to end it?”

“Safe to say you were into it.” Harry smiled. “I thought you would have seen the end coming.”

“I could barely make out the beginning.”

Harry crawled to pop out the disc. “Did you like the popcorn?”

He had barely noticed that he ate the half-bag. Only acutely was he aware of the buttered taste in his mouth and sickness of his fingers. 

6:30 showed on his watch. “What time do you need to get home?”

Although he would enjoy watching another film he didn’t want to send Harry home so late on the bus. It was a school night after all.

“Maybe soon. I have a lot planned for tomorrow we are going to start a new book. I make all these fun activities based on the book, paper bag puppets and everything.”

“That seems like a lot of work.”

Harry shrugged. “It helps keep them engaged. Besides it works on their gluing and coloring skills. I bet you do a lot for work.”

“Is analyzing reports and dealing with incompetent people is a lot of work?”

Nodding his head Harry smiled. “I think so.”

“Don’t,” he said as Harry moved to unplug the dvd player. “You can leave it here so you don't have to lug it around.”

“I’m going to trust you with these too then.” Harry patted the dvd case. “You have to tell me what you think if you watch anything without me.” 

“I won't watch a single movie.”

“You don’t have to resist” Harry said in a tempting voice, eyebrows wiggling up and down suggestively. “I have a bunch of really good movies in here.” 

Clearing his throat before he spoke Severus fought the sudden urge to keep Harry here. “You have my word that I will wait for you to return.”

****

Resisting to watch more of Harry's massive collection was nearly as daunting a task as not putting down an intriguing book. Why hadn’t he gotten into watching movies before? Books were more preferable he had to admit. Books provided more substance by all his accounts. They held the deeper understanding behind characters' motivations yet movies left you in a stage of guessing what would come next, if anything because of the lack of context. 

Next Wednesday couldn't come soon enough. 

_Bzzz_

“Hello, Harry.”

“I was thinking that it would take forever to watch all the movies if we met one day a week. Could we meet again this weekend?”

“Saturday then.”

“I will see you then.” he could almost hear the smile in Harry’s voice. “Bye.”

“Goodbye Harry.”

Flipping open his self-help book he readied for a new entry. 

He was going to work hard to get past this limitation. One day he wanted to be able to take Harry to the movies.

“How did things go with your friend?”

“It was nice we ended up watching _The Astronauts Wife_.”

Hermione scrunched up her nose. Syfy wasn't something she cared forever since they watched _Alien_ together. Purposefully she had ‘lost’ that movie several years ago.

“You seem to be doing better.”

“Hermione” he groaned, knowing what she would say next. “We’re friends Hermione.” 

“Harry James Potter I love you but you have this habit of falling for people way too easily.”

“I do not .”

She raised her brow at him. “You may not end up dating but you were never good at hiding your crushes.”

Crush? That wasn’t what he felt for Severus, was it? No Hermione was getting to him. He just wanted to spend time with Severus. Severus was an interesting person. 

“Can’t I just enjoy being with my friend?”

“Anything happens swear you will call me.”

“You sound like Ron” he muttered.

Her eyes narrowed. “Ron has met this person?”

“No.”

He was bad at keeping secrets. But he didn't want Severus to be a complete secret. There was no reason to hide that he went to visit him, still he didn't want either of his friends to speak with Severus just yet. And he was sure Severus preferred his privacy. 

“Did you ask about dinner?” He tried to think of a good lie. “You didn't.” Hemione sighed. 

“I’ll ask on Saturday.”

3 hours later Severus slumped against the office door. He had managed to make it in three hours although that was longer than he would have liked, he did it without any help.

“Severus” Albus smiled holding a large box. “Care to open the door for me?”

Slowly he managed to let Albus in. Through the window he watched him speak with the manager. Albus turned to wave at him. 

“Enjoying the day Severus?” Albus asked as he returned with his clipboard signed. 

“Albus, could you walk with me?”

He hated to ask but anywhere beyond this path was unknown. If he collapsed or suffered a major attack he knew he wouldn't be able to try for weeks. 3 hours was too long to make 130 feet. He wanted to go so much further. He had to.

“Where to?”

Silently he thanked the man for not offering a way out. Any chance to revoke the request his panicked mind would’ve taken it. 

“How far is the bus stop?”

Albus stroked his beard. “Not too far in my opinion. I wouldn't know the exact length.”

“Describe it please” he stepped in time with Albus matching his deliberate slowed pace. 

“From your apartment, we would go past the tree down this path to the office. From the office you walk straight past complex building 200 and 100 which all look alike from the outside. Through the gate and a few feet out of that is the bus stop.” 

That sounded far. Immensely far. How could he even make it that far?

“We just passed building 200” Albus pointed out.

They did all look the same from outside. 

_“I’m going to get lost”_ his mind whimpered. 

“I’ll be sure to walk you back Severus” Albus said looking to the sky. “Another beautiful day. If only there were more sunny days.”

Distraction he needed the distraction.

“How has your day been?” he asked looking at every little thing they passed. 

“Oh not bad. A few boxes keep me in shape” Albus said just nearly missing the wad of gum baked into the sidewalk.

The 100 building inched into the background. 

The shaking in his hands began.

“You know I was thinking of making a purchase for...”

Focusing on Albus’ tone they continued to venture into the unknown territory. This is the furthest I've ever gone. The soles of his feet were beginning to hurt from his heavy-footed steps. He looked to Albus’s steps, his light if not skipping motion.

Mimicking slightly he found himself moving faster walking a bit more secured.

The gate that framed the complex cut through the mundane cookie-cutter surroundings. Memory of the first time he drove through those gates bubbled under the surface of his mind. It had been so long since he’d gone so far.

“Breathe Severus.”

Sparsely he could feel air re-enter his lungs.

“We can stop at the gate” Albus assured. 

“I thought it would've looked more ...put together” he said, studying the chipped rusted parts of the gate.

He could've sworn it was brand new when he first moved in or perhaps it had been blatant naive optimism of moving that had left that moment rose-colored. That had to be it; he was a naive 20 yr old at the time so sure this move would be the start of a better life away from the old decrepit monstrous life of his family home. This was going to be a new beginning instead it turned out to be a brand new dead end.

 _“That will change”_ he thought as Albus helped him step out into the sidewalk. “Where's the bus stop?” he asked, his voice shaky and tight in his throat.

“A bit more.”

_“Not safe! It’s not safe! Go back. GO BACK.”_

Shutting his eyes against the growing noise he tried to count. Counting had been one of the self-calming techniques Dr. Trelawny had made him do, he really did hate to credit her with getting a couple things right, but it did help sometimes. By 300 he was ready to move again. 

A woman walking her dog across the street looked at him before scurrying off. 

“She doesn't matter” he mumbled to himself. 

“That bench is the bus stop” Albus pointed out. 

The bench was a dirt brown covered in black smudges. He couldn't imagine Harry sitting on the thing. Why did anyone deal with the hassle of bus schedules, and possibly incompetent drivers ,and dollars that wouldn't fit into the machine, and the cramped seats where you had no control over who else would be sitting near you and

A hand squeezed his arm enough to ground him again. “It’s time I take you back.”

***

“What do you think?” His mother asked leaning forward in her seat as they passed the front gate of the apartment complex. Her dark hair fell wild from the wind. She pushed her fingers through the holes at the end of her cardigan. 

“I think this will be perfect.”

“Apartment 317” she jangled the keys, a little grin on the edge of her lips.

He had never seen her so filled with life since he was really young. Her willowy face finally had begun to take on some color. Soon he hoped to get her to look less sickly.

“This will be good for us right Severus?” fear flickered in her eyes as they stepped into the empty apartment.

“Yes mum it will be.” 

Opening his eyes to the darkened ceiling he pushed from the bed. Turning on the light he went to the second room. Only on nights like this did he dare to go in. 

Everything remained as it had over the years. Her bed dressed in gray sheets that were in need of dusting. Her vanity still lined up with soft brushes she managed to keep safe since being gifted to her by the grandmother he’d never met. 

Running a finger over the ornate design he could almost hear his mother humming the song she sang as she brushed his hair.

******

Saturday greeted Harry with a burst of poor weather.

“What happened to blue skies?” he groaned at the downpour. 

It had been a good idea to keep the dvd player at Severus’s. In this weather he doubted his backpack would prevent it from getting soaked. Times like this he wished he could drive. 

Pulling his hood up as high as possible he ran through the puddled sidewalk. The distance to Severus apartment felt never ending in the onslaught of heavy rain. Shivering he knocked onto the door. 

“Hi” he said through chattering teeth

“Did you not have an umbrella?”Severus asked, moving into the house to retrieve something.

“No.” he said, taking off his shoes. Laying his soaked socks to the side he carefully stepped into the apartment.

Severus held out a towel. “You could've waited until the downpour passed.” 

“A little rain isn't going to stop me. I said I’d be here so I’m here.”He took the towel drying off his hair. 

“Would you care for a change of clothes?”

“Sure.” 

“I’ll bring it downstairs. You may use the bathroom.” Severus pointed to a door across from the stairs.

“Thank you” he rushed into the bathroom. 

The bathroom was surprisingly big enough to have a shower. Again Harry noted how spotless his surroundings were. Even the sink faucet shined. It was much nicer than his own apartment. Severus would frown at the cobwebs that hung in the corners of his own ceiling. 

“Feel free to have a shower.” 

“Severus!” he jumped. 

“I didn't mean to startle you” Severus said, holding out a perfectly folded set of clothes. Their fingers brushed against one another as he took it. Again dark eyes held onto his. _“You fall for people so quickly”_ Hermione’s voice echoed in the back of his head. 

Was it wrong to like how this felt? Stepping closer he saw those dark eyes shift slightly to his lips. 

“I’ll leave you to change.”

“Yeah,” his heart thumped in his chest. _“Get a hold of yourself.”_

Unfolding the clothes he tried not to think about these being Severus’s or that there wasn't a fresh pair of underpants. Looking in the mirror he slightly felt like he did when he used to wear his large cousin’s hand-me-downs but these clothes weren't as baggy or dirty. They were Severus’s. They even held his smell, cedar and cypress or at least that’s what the shampoo in the shower said. 

It was the sound of popping that pulled him out of the bathroom.

“How was your day?” Harry asked when he reemerged from the bathroom.

“The same as most” he said, pulling out the popcorn.

His train of thought screeched to a halt when he looked at Harry. There was something about Harry standing dressed in his loungers on that felt right. Everything from the way he leaned so casually against the love seat to the slight tilt of his head spoke to the side of him that wanted to run his fingers through that damp hair. 

Harry shifted a bit under his stare, tugging on his sleeve. 

He had to shake these thoughts out of his head. Harry hadn’t come here for this unwanted attention. They were friends. 

“I did some research on typical get-togethers.” Harry blinked at him with those beautiful emerald eyes. “Granted majority of it came from planning children's parties” he turned his attention back to the popcorn. “It said to offer a variety of snacks,” he pulled out a blue shopping bag.

“You went shopping?” Harry moved towards him, eyes filled with awe. “I thought you couldn't go out.”

Unable to help it he frowned. “We live in the modern world, Harry. You can order groceries online and have them delivered now.”

“Right,” Harry bit his lower lip. The habit took up most of Severus’s attention before he was able to put his mind back on track. 

“I wasn't sure what you would like.”

“I eat anything” Harry pulled a few things out of the shopping bag. “Crisps. Biscuits. Gummies. Chocolate. Popcorn.” He chuckled. “What nothing healthy?” 

“The fruit and vegetable trays are in the fridge.”

“You didn't have to do all of this.”

“I also have frozen pizza,” he said realizing that perhaps he did go a little overboard for only two people.

“This is great.” Harry's hand rested on his. “What’s your favorite?”

“I don't really eat any of that” he admitted ashamed of spending so much.

“What do you eat?”

“Simple meals.”

“What’s simpler than junk food?” Harry pulled him into the living room holding onto a bag of bbq crisps. “Could I show you my favorite movie or did you have one picked out?”

He would have preferred to watch the films in alphabetical order just for the sake to keep better track of their progress through Harry's catalog. Even so he was intrigued by what movie Harry determined as his favorite.

“I would like to see your favorite movie.”

“On days like this I want to watch something more uplifting” Harry said opening the case. His fingers seemed to find the proper disc without amazing ease. “This movie is animated and technically a kids movie.” Harry turned to him with unsure eyes before pressing the play button.

Bright colors flashed as the title screen came on: _Cats Don't Dance._ The Hollywood sign sat in the background as anthropomorphic animals smiled. From the animation he could tell it was an older movie but didn't have the trademark Disney look that he remembered growing up with. 

Forgoing sitting in the loveseat he joined Harry on the ground. 

The movie turned out to be a musical which he should've seen coming from the premise of a tabby cat with a dream to go to Hollywood being the main character. The cat’s upbeat personality resembled Harry a little. He related more with the love interest who was disillusioned with the fantastical Hollywood and had a bit of a snark that balanced out the unrealistic background.

At every musical number he could hear Harry humming along. 

During the love interest’s ballad he felt Harry lean against him a little. Emerald eyes pulled him away from the screen. Their hands met one another. Slowly he felt himself lean in closer. It had to be the swell of the music that made those emerald eyes sparkle and lips beg to be kissed. That couldn't happen. They weren't like these movie characters. No matter the fluttering in his stomach or the thrumming in his chest he couldn't kiss Harry.

Feeling Severus drawback, Harry tried to tune back into the movie. There was only a few more minutes but he wished they could rewind back to the moment he felt as if he was going to be kissed. 

Why couldn't they end up just like the characters on the screen? Life should've been more like a musical, especially the happy endings.

After halfway through the following movie Severus questioned if Harry picking another romantic movie meant anything. Maybe they were just the type of movie he liked on a rainy day but with the way Harry pressed up against him as they watched he did hope it meant something. 

“Harry,” he said, feeling more of Harry’s weight against him.

Noticing that Harry was asleep he lowered his voice. The way Harry’s head craned couldn’t be anything aside from uncomfortable. Carefully he maneuvered Harry to lay him down. Running his hand through the wild hair he smiled at the sleeping man. 

Harry’s arm rose as he attempted to remove his glasses. The motion pushed his sleeve up on his arm. It would be a lie if he wasn’t shocked at the myriad of scars that ran across his upper arm from his shoulder to his elbow. Tentatively he touched the white marks on his tanned skin. 

_“What caused these?”_ They were all different lengths and some looked older than the others.

Harry stirred in his lap. “Shh” he whispered. “Go back to sleep.”

“I fell asleep?” Harry yawned, keeping his eyes closed.

“It’s fine.” He ran a soothing hand along his forearm. He couldn't feel any scars there.

Harry hummed his body shifting a little. “This is nice,” he said before suddenly becoming more alert as his fingers reached the edge of his sleeve.

Jutting up Harry bit his lower lip. “We should eat something besides popcorn and chips.”

“I’ll put in the pizza.”

Splashing water on his face to fully wake up Harry had to admit Hermione was right. That shouldn’t have been anything shocking. For as long as he knew her she had been wrong perhaps only a handful of times. 

He liked Severus far more than just a friend. Being in Severus’ arms felt like the safest place in the world. Being here in general made him feel more...whole like he was waiting to stumble upon this place. Maybe that was just the romance movies' influence. But he knew that he had been playing those films to get Severus to look at him with that want in his eyes. Harry knew he wanted to be something more to Severus.

“Everything alright?” Severus asked, pulling out the pizza from the oven.

“My friends want to meet you.”

Severus paused in the middle of cutting the pizza. 

“I told them that you couldn't because you were busy,” he hastily added. He didn’t want them to fight or cause Severus to panic.

“Busy” Severus muttered to himself. “When would this dinner take place?”

“It's really whenever. And it’s not like a big party. They just really want to meet you.” 

“Would she be opposed to having dinner here?” 

“You don't want that.”

Severus’ eyebrow rose. 

“That’s asking too much.” 

“Is there something I should know about?” Severus smirked. “Were you past lovers?”

“Me and Hermione? No, I’ve been gay since I was born.” Quickly he shut his mouth.

He’d never been the one to hide his sexuality- he had enough of hiding things about himself. Being gay didn't make him a freak, it was nothing to be ashamed about, but this would make things awkward between them. 

Biting his lip, he waited for the screaming to start. Uncle Vernon had screamed to get out of his home until he was purple when he finally admitted it out loud.

Dusting off his hands Severus picked a bag of salad from the fridge. “What about your other friend? The redhead didn’t look too keen for you to be here” he said dumping salad into a bowl. 

“Ron is strictly straight; practically my brother really.” 

“Then I don't see the harm of them coming over.” 

“Wouldn’t it be too much? They’ll be here touching all your stuff.”

“Harry, aside from the bedroom you've been through every inch of this apartment.”

Trying to reign in the jolt of nerves from the words bedroom he held Severus glance.“You sure?”

“I am.” 

“If it's too much you can always change your mind.” He bit his lip again. “You should change your mind. They'll ask a million questions.”

Severus placed a hand onto his shoulder. “It will be fine.”

Fine? Why did he think it would be fine? Things could get highly awkward. Some things were not so easily explained but Harry was his friend and that meant he had to try. He wanted to be more. 

“Tell them this coming weekend would be fine if they are available.”

If he could practice getting out then maybe he would feel more normal around them. 

“I’ll text Hermione.”

_“What am I getting myself into?”_


	6. Chapter 6

_ Could I come by?  _ read the text.

Thankful for the distraction he carried on walking as he texted. 

_ Yes.  _

_ good, I'll be there in five minutes.  _

Smirking he placed his phone into his pocket amazed to find he had made it to the front gates in record time. An old woman sat on the bench waiting for the bus. Noticing him she scooted over.

“Sit down young man could take a while. Feels like an eternity sometimes just waiting but then if you don’t stick it out you leave you’ll be waiting forever.”

Not quite understanding he took up the available space. It did beat standing completely awkward.

“There it is” she pointed. His heart picked up at the sight of people in a small confined space. As it got near he spotted Harry’s familiar wild hair as he moved to the exit doors. Eyes glued to his phone Harry stepped off. He made it look so easy. 

“Harry” he called out.

Harry lifted his head in confusion before those emerald eyes landed onto him. “Severus?” he gawked as though he were a ghost.

  
  


“What are you doing here?” Harry looked around half expecting someone to pop up and yell surprise. Or maybe this was a dream but Severus was standing at the bus stop outside the door of his apartment. “I thought...”

“I’ve been practicing,” Severus said a hint of pink on his cheeks. 

Paying closer attention he could tell Severus’ face looked less pale than it did when they first met. 

“This is huge!” he exclaimed hugging Severus. 

His head fluttered with images of them going to the mall and movies and amusement parks together. He wanted to show off the world Severus hadn’t been a part of for so long. 

“Does this mean we can go somewhere today?”

“Sure.” 

Excited, he took Severus’ hand. “There's a mall down the way we could walk it.” Severus' face was like stone but he nodded to his words. “We are going to celebrate what kind of cake do you like? I think there was a place somewhere. Maybe an ice cream cake!”

Severus tried to listen to Harry's words. Tried to tell himself that he could make it, that he was safe with him, but his feet had begun to feel as if they were trapped in cement blocks as they moved.

“Harry,” he croaked. “I can't.” 

They had barely gone away from the bench and already he was sure the ground would swallow him up. 

“I can't” he repeated desperately fighting against the urge to rip Harry’s hand away again.

The mall would send him into a panic attack he just knew all those eyes and open spaces he couldn't be safe... She hadn't been safe. 

“Severus” Harry spoke calmly looking into his eyes. “We’ll go back.”

Stepping through the gate he regained his ability to breathe.

“It’s not too late to cancel the dinner.”

Gripping the gate he glared at the ground. “This is too much for you isn't it.”

“No” Harry sounded unsure. 

Something within Harry’s eyes flashed before resuming their usual look. If he knew better he would’ve thought those emerald green eyes held some sort of sadness. Severus didn’t want to believe that it was pity. The mere thought of receiving pity from Harry made him grip the gate harder. 

“Leave” he muttered.

He knew it wasn’t what he truly wanted, but it was taking a toll just to have another person here witnessing him like this. 

“I shouldn’t have tried to push you when you weren't ready...” Harry said softly. “I could help you practice.”

“This is not like watching a child pick up sports,” he said bitterly. “This is not some fun thing we can do together. It took hours to make it to that bus stop!” he snapped. “Hours Harry! What you can do so easily, what a child could do, takes me hours if not days.”

“Do you think that I am embarrassed about that?” Harry lifted his face. “I am not embarrassed by you. Look at how far you’ve gone by yourself. Do you think that is anything less than amazing?” His eyes searched his face. “Helping each other is what friends do isn't it? I want to help you because I care about you, Severus.”

His head ached. “I’m sorry.” 

“Come on, let's get you back home.”

*****

“I brought you something,” Harry said, holding out a small box. “It’s my old iPod” he explained the scratched up slim device. “When I'm having a hard time listening to music helps a bit.”

“I don't think,” he began only to have Harry give him a look.

“Try it first,” Harry said in his teacher's voice. 

He shuffled through the old playlists; doubting there was music to his taste but he suspected that there would be something interesting in the mix. He found a playlist named  _ cats don't dance _ .

“You really do like that movie,” he said with a smirk.

“You seemed to like it too,” Harry countered.

Smirking he played the familiar soundtrack almost seeing the movie as they started walking. The warnings that typically popped up were drowned out by the upbeat male singing “you can do anything if you try”. Slow step by slow step they fell into a rhythm. 

The soundtrack repeated ten times before he felt confident enough to try to go beyond the bus stop. 

“Any time you want to go back just tell me.”

For the next few days, Harry helped him travel further and further away from his home. Around the corner of his complex, there was a little shopping area composed of four shops in a row

“Do you think Albus is working?” Harry joked pointing to the post office across the street.

“Perhaps.” 

“You want to go in?” Harry motioned to the first store which looked like a party store.

Harry peered into the window. “It looks empty.”

Replaying the music he stepped into the store. The last time he had been in a store... No, he didn't want to think about that. 

The store was filled with balloons gathering along the ceiling streamers and pinatas draped here and there. 

He eyed the exit. 

“Look” Harry pointed to a bin filled with party hats. “Should we tell Ron and Hermione that we decided to make it a dress-up dinner?” Harry asked, picking out a pirate hat. “I think you would look good in this one.”

Humoring him he put it on. With a  _ click _ Harry snapped a picture.

Flipping around his phone Severus looked at the photo. “See perfect.” Before he could disagree Harry placed a hat onto his own head. “Now one together.” Stretching his arm he took a picture of both of them.

As ridiculous as he felt he watching Harry enjoying himself in this environment eased the tension in his shoulders. Pulling out the headphones he took another hat from the bin.

Hat after hat they tried on, each more odd-looking than the next.

“Excuse me,” one of the workers said, “the wigs are display only.” 

“Sorry” Harry laughed, taking off the shimmering blue wig and placing it back onto the foam head. “When you get in trouble that means it's time to go” he whispered pulling Severus out. “Up for another one?”

“Yes.” 

The store next door turned out to be a bakery filled with sweets that he didn't know the names of.

“Guess we grab a tray” Harry said, picking up one of the many pink trays that were stacked by the door. 

He wouldn't have thought to do that. If he were alone he would’ve walked out. 

Harry made things so easy he wanted to be like that too. Being like this with Harry made him feel normal.

With a few sweets bagged and paid for they found the next store to be a small grocery store. Inside there was a large arrangement of Hispanic and Asian food many with English translated signs next to them. 

“Care to try some spicy noodles?” Harry shook a packet of noodles that showed a drawing of a man breathing fire. 

He nodded.

He wanted to try everything that Harry thought to show him. 

“Oh candles,” Tossing the packet into his basket Harry moved along the aisle. “Smell it,” he said holding out an orange-colored candle.

Taking a whiff he couldn’t quite figure out what it was supposed to smell like. “Citrus?”

“I think so.” There were no images or English printed on it.

Harry picked up a gray candle. “Let’s guess what this is.”

It smelled like pepper to him, which was perhaps the oddest smell to put into a candle. “Whatever it is isn't good.”

“That was so much fun!” Harry exclaimed when they made it back to the apartment. 

He almost felt like screaming to the world that they managed to get out. They stepped into stores. Every step along the way he was unsure if he was being too pushy. But they did it without any problems. 

Smiling at the picture of them from the party store Harry promised himself that next time he was going to take more than a few pictures.

“It was enjoyable,” Severus agreed, placing their purchases away.

“Just you wait. I’m going to take you to all the best places like amusement parks, movies, the-” Noticing the way Severus froze he stopped. 

“Today was a good day.” Severus said softly. “I don’t think I’ll be ready for those things so soon.”

“Yeah,” his smile falters slightly. “I’m-”

“Don’t apologize.” Severus moved a hand to caress his. “One day I would like to do those things.” 

Searching those obsidian eyes Harry saw that he did mean that. 

Using his free hand he slipped it through Severus’s long hair. Severus’s fingers twitched before rising up his forearm stopping to gently grip beneath his elbow as the space between them filled. Pressing his back into the counter he waited as those eyes drifted to his lips. 

Waiting was never Harry’s strongest trait but being with Severus required so much of it. 

_ “Patience.” _

Nervously he licked his lips. 

He hated waiting. If Severus could read his mind he would know that he wanted to meet those lips without care. Wanted to press up against his body. 

Why did he have to wait?

“Harry,” Severus whispered so close to his ear that he could feel his breath on his skin. 

A delightful shiver went down his spine from the feeling of Severus moving to fully press him against the counter. 

_ “Your scars”  _ the voice in his head spoke up through the lust-filled fog in his brain as fingers sought to slide under his sleeves. 

Stepping back Severus cleared his throat. “Would you like to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

Throughout the movie Severus kept thinking about what nearly happened in his kitchen. A part of him worried that he wouldn’t be able to step into his kitchen without thinking about the way that he almost lost sense of himself. He thought Harry had felt it too the desire to proceed beyond friendship until the moment he tensed under his touch. It had to have been the mutual excitement of the day that brought on those actions. If he took it farther it would’ve been a regretful mistake. 

As the movie ended he couldn’t recall a single thing about what they had watched. 

“We have time for another” Harry offered without looking at him. 

“I think one is enough for today.”

“Then what should we do? My bus doesn’t come in for a while.”

“Tell me about your friends.”

****

_ We’ll be there soon. _ Read Harry’s text. 

The day came and he still wasn’t sure about this dinner. He hated the thought of the unknown.

For the seventh time Severus went about inspecting his home. Things had to be perfect. Somewhat he wished that Albus had stopped by to give a few last-minute advice on how to interact with Harry’s friends. 

What would happen if they disapproved of him?

Rhythmic knocking at his door elevated the anxiety he had to keep hidden from his guests. 

Opening the door he couldn’t help think they both turned out to be just as Harry described.

Ms. Granger glanced at him in what Harry had called her ‘mother hen’ look. The redheaded man on the other hand looked as though he was trying to read a very hard book. Harry appeared as nervous as he felt, his lip caught between his teeth and eyes shifting to his friends.

“Come in.”

It all felt like he was meeting Harry’s parents for the first time the way the two swept into the apartment without comment. 

“I brought some lasagna,” Mr. Weasley said, lifting up the tray in his hands. 

“That was very thoughtful of you. It will go well with the chicken I prepared.”

“Yeah.” 

No one seemed to know what to do as they stood in his living room. 

“Harry can you show me the kitchen?” Mr. Weasley asked. 

Harry doubled his lip biting efforts. “Sure.” 

He was sure that excuse was to grant some time with Ms. Granger alone. “Harry tells me you work in the same school.”

“Fifth grade, but I’m sure you knew that.” Her eyes scanned the apartment before turning back to him. “What are your intentions with him?”

He admired her forthcoming nature.

“You two have been spending a lot of time together. He’s been very secretive about you.” She walked over to the bookshelves. “I’m warning you if you break his heart you won't hear the end of it from me.” 

“We are friends Ms. Granger.”

She scoffed. “You can't be that blind not to see he likes you. I won't let anyone just string him along.”

“I assure you that's not my intention.”

“Good.”

This was a mistake. Harry knew that he shouldn’t leave Hermione with Severus. 

“Mate you alright?”

“What do you think she’s asking him?” he whispered watching the two of them talking in the corner.

“You really like this bloke don’t you?”

“I do.” He blushed. “Why did you have to bring food when you know he was cooking dinner?” he asked looking at the tray. 

“It’s what I do when I get nervous. Cook or eat. Hermione has been driving me crazy at home about tonight.”

“Do you think he thinks it rude that you brought it?”

Ron pressed a hand firmly onto his shoulder. “Don’t spiral Harry. Everything will be fine.”

Ron was right. He’d given Severus enough warning about Hermione’s questions. There wasn’t a reason to completely freak out. 

“Ready to eat?” Hermione smiled as she made her way over.

Looking to Severus nodding in the background he said “yes.”

“This is very delicious Mr. Weasly.”

“It better be or I should be looking for another career” Ron said through a mouthful. Hermione elbowed him. “Your chicken is good too.”

_ “When is this going to be over?” _ he thought, cutting up his food into smaller and smaller pieces. 

“So have you always lived here?” 

Harry was glad that Ron was trying to keep conversation going. The lack of questions from Hermione did make him nervous.

“Only for a few years. I lived somewhere ... less preferable in my youth.”

“I feel ya. I lived in a cramped house with all my brothers and sister. You got siblings?”

“I was an only child.”

“Count your blessings. Living with eight other people was a nightmare.”

“Ron Mr. Snape doesn’t want to hear you complaining all night” Hermione nudged. “Do you live alone?”

“My mother used to live with me until she passed.” 

The loud clang of Harry’s dropped fork rang in the dead silence. He hadn’t even asked Severus basic questions about himself before. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to be asked those in return. 

This was a disaster. 

“It was some time ago,” Severus said in a tone that gave away nothing that he was feeling, but Harry knew that bringing it up had to hurt. It hurt every time he thought about his own dead parents.

“Continue asking questions” Severus insisted.

“Why did you suggest we have dinner here?” Hermione asked.

“I am agoraphobic.”

“No way, me too!” Ron said, stabbing his fork into the chicken. “Fucking spiders right! Freaky bastards them all.”

“That's arachnophobia,” Severus corrected with a small grin. “But I agree with your assessment of spiders they are a nuisance.” 

“Then what’s that thing you said?”

“Agoraphobia makes it difficult for me to go outside of my home.”

“Oh.” Ron’s ears pinked.

Hermione was looking at him with wide eyes. 

_ “This is a disaster.” _

Pushing from his chair he stood. “Excuse me.” 

Watching Harry disappear into the bathroom Severus resisted the urge to check up on him.

Mr. Weasley began twirling his fork around his plate while Ms. Granger continued to stare in his direction. 

“Harry has been helping me get out more” he said in hopes that it would ease them somewhat.

“That’s what he does. He’s always helping other people.”

Something about that comment didn’t sit right with him. Nor did the way that she seemed to be waiting. 

“Are you even good for him?” Mr. Weasley said, suddenly placing down his fork. “No offense but I don’t like the idea that he’s constantly worrying about you.”

Before he could get upset Ms. Granger too placed down her fork.

“You don’t know Harry like we do.” Ms. Granger said, taking Mr. Weasley’s hand. “We are all he’s got so we want to make sure he’s happy.”

“I will try my best to keep him happy.”

“That’s not as easy as you think.” 

“I’m going to go check on him.” Mr. Weasley left the table. 

“Is this about his scars?”

Ms. Granger’s mouth dropped. “He showed you those?”

“No, I saw them by accident” he admitted softly. “I didn’t ask him about them.” 

Her lips pressed into a line. “Then you really don’t know anything about him.”

_ “It’s all your fault that this is a disaster. You should’ve told them not to ask questions. You shouldn’t have brought them. You should’ve canceled. This is your fault. They are going to keep you away from him. They’re going to lock you away. You’re going to go back where you belong. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were always right about keeping you in that cupboard under the stairs. They were right.”  _

“Harry” Ron’s voice called from the other side of the door. “Mate you alright?”

He knew he needed to say something. If he didn’t Ron would think that this was somehow Severus’s fault and then he would be taken away. He couldn’t let that happen.

“Yes” he managed through the pressure in his head that always made him feel like he would burst into tears.

The doorknob jiggled. “Mate open up.”

No he wasn’t ready. The pressure in his head, the sinking feeling in his chest, the things in his head it wasn’t going to go away unless he did something. He had to do it. 

Rolling up his sleeves he looked at the scars slashed across his skin. That was the only way he knew to deal with all of this. It was the only way that stopped it for a while. 

“Harry,” Severus said. 

He could hear Ron and Hermione whispering in the background. Then music covered up their voices. Moving closer to the door he listened closer. It was the music from his favorite movie. Leaning against the door, he noticed that Severus was humming along. 

As the music faded he waited for the next song but it remained silent. 

“Severus?” Slowly he clicked the lock pushing it open a crack.

Severus was leaning against the wall outside of the bathroom. Hermione and Ron stood staring at them neither one knowing what to do. 

“I didn’t mean to ruin dinner.”

“It wasn’t your fault Harry” Hermione said, taking a tentative step closer. 

“Harry,” Severus said, holding out his hand. “Nothing is ruined. Please come out so we can watch a film together.”

Placing his hand into Severus’s he nodded.

“I was wrong about you” Ms. Granger said as his guests prepared to leave. 

“No you are right. I don’t know much about Harry, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be good for him.”

“He’s happier with you genuinely happy. That made me worried what would happen...” She looked over to Harry inside Mr. Weasley’s car. “After tonight I think I don’t have to worry so much. Good night Mr. Snape.”

“Goodnight Ms. Granger.”

  
  


****

Days after dinner Severus spent nearly every afternoon with Harry. They would walk as far as the small shopping complex until he was ready to go a little further. Sometimes they just talked about work, other times they shared about their past. Learning more about Harry’s past was one of the hardest things he experienced. If he could he would’ve marched over to his Uncle’s home and punch the man for ever mistreating him. Sharing about his own abuse at the hands of his father was nearly as painful as talking about how his mother had died from a heart attack when they were still shopping for items for the apartment. 

Each day he felt closer to Harry; stronger to help him during Harry’s bad days. Ms. Granger’s and Mr. Weasley sometimes joined them on walks. He had to admit they were good company. Seeing how the three of them interacted made him glad that Harry had that sort of support, it made saying goodbye at the end of the day more bearable.

Flipping open his contacts he began a new message to Mr. Weasley.

_ I would like your help with something. _

  
  


****

“Are you sure about this you’re looking kind of green,” Mr. Weasley said as he slid into the passenger seat of his car.

“Yes.”

Clutching the ipod to his chest he tried to soothe himself with music.

Doing this was perhaps begging to have a panic attack but he wanted to do this for Harry. 

Approaching the school brought on a new wave of worry. “Am I even allowed to be on campus?” He really should’ve thought about that before risking his life on the drive here.

“We just need to get some visitor passes from the office.

“Good morning Mr. Weasley” One of the ladies behind the front desk greeted.

“Good morning. I brought along a helper for Mr. Potter.”

Severus didn’t like the way he was being appraised by the woman. He knew full well that he stood out among the brightly dressed staff with his all black attire. It irked him to think about how long he had looked through the limited clothing he had for hours debating with himself on what to wear for today only to have it examined by some woman he would rather not deal with. 

He shouldn’t have come here. 

“He’ll just have to sign in the visitor's book.”

“I’ll talk you through it” Mr. Weasley said, opening up a large binder. 

The sign-in sheet was rather heavy in detail as it asked for his full name, reason for coming, the classroom number, telephone, and time signed in and out. He wondered if all schools had this same process or if this school was special in that regard. 

“May I have your ID.” The woman asked.

“ID?”

“You’ll need to give me your ID to receive a visitor pass. It’s merely a precaution and an incentive for you to come back to sign out. It helps us assure that the campus is safe.”

There was no reason to argue with such logic, so far his impression of Harry’s workplace was good. From the things Harry said about it he had wondered what sort of a place this was.

Exchanging his ID with the woman he received a visitor pass, which looked like a child’s name tag stating the school’s name and a number.

“Please write down the pass number in the last column so we can be sure to give your ID back at the end of the day.”

Scribbling the number he was thankful that the process was over. Being held up in his home for so long hadn’t increased his ability to be around strangers for a long length of time and he was starting to feel drained of energy. A part of him wanted to return to his home, while the other demanded he continue after going through all that work.

“Hanging in there?” Mr. Weasley asked, clipping on his own visitor tag.

Pressing his headphones back in he followed him out of the office.

“Today is going to be a good day” Harry repeated glancing at the time. Another day, another moment waiting to go back and visit Severus.

_ Bzzz Bzz.  _

Glancing at his phone he saw that Ron was calling him.

“Open up your door” Ron said before he could even answer with a hello.

“What’s this about?” he laughed.

“Open your door and see.” 

Hanging up he went to his door. “Ron you better not-” Words froze in mid-air as he saw Severus standing besides Ron.

“What are you doing here?”

Severus tried to smile but he looked faint. 

“You idiot!” Snatching his hand he brought Severus inside.

“I just need a moment” Severus panted.

Harry glared at Mr. Weasley.“Why did you force him to come here?” 

“This was his own decision.” Ron pleaded, pouring a glass of water.

He looked to Severus. “It was?” 

Severus nodded.

“Why?”

“He wanted to visit you.”

“Rest and then Ron’s going to take you back home. Ron?”

“Traffic is going to be a nightmare mate” Ron said before leaving.

“I’m fine Harry.” Severus’s hand rested on his.

“Tell me what made you want to become a teacher?” Severus asked as they waited in the classroom for the children to arrive.

“I wanted to be the tallest person in the room.” Harry joked. “ I actually had a horrible experience in my education so I decided that when I grew up I would be the best teacher and make learning more fun and inclusive for everyone.”

Severus could hear Harry’s passion run through each word. If more people had the same drive as him he believed the world would be better off. 

“The mornings can be a little hectic, but everyone knows their routine. There’s just a lot of moving bodies at one time.”

Severus nodded. He understood why Harry was warning him in advance and was beyond grateful for Harry’s thoughtfulness. It would be a challenge to be in a place full of people again after so long. They were both more than fully aware that his disorder would strike up against him at any given moment. Having Harry besides him he felt confident in braving the possibilities. This was a huge step for him and if he couldn’t make it through the day he would simply have to try again. 

Even if it killed him he wanted to make it as long as he could. 

The bell rang, sending Harry straight onto his feet. “If you need to hide out there's a storage room,” he said pointing to a door in the corner. “The kids aren’t allowed inside.”

“Don’t worry about me.”

Although Harry had joked about the height difference, standing in the room surrounded by slightly above knee-high children did have an appeal. He actually enjoyed the way the children gawked at how he towered over them, their little eyes growing huge. 

“Tree!” one small girl exclaimed when she came in.

Harry was truly in his element. All the children hugged him as they filed into the classroom while greeting a good morning. He watched on the side as Harry returned each greeting with equal enthusiasm. As the children went about their routine, which he was impressed at how self-sufficient they were, they would glance at him. Unlike adults children didn’t look at him with judgemental eyes, rather they looked at him in awe.

  
  


Throughout the morning routine Harry kept glancing at Severus. Being in this environment had to be too much for him. Severus wasn’t under any obligation to stay and he half expected him to leave after the first five minutes. 

The children were starting to take an interest, he already caught some chatter about the new addition to their classroom, some of which weren’t so quiet. Teddy, in particular, seemed to have a mischievous look. Silently he hoped that they would behave themselves for as long as their guest was here. 

“I want to introduce you to Mr. Snape; he'll be joining us for today.”

“Hi Mr. Snape.” the children chimed in unison.

“Mr. Snape, this is Teddy, Rachel, Natalie, Ethan, and Aiden. And that’s Luna Natalie’s helper. We also have a new helper for Aiden but she’s out sick today.”

“Hello” Severus replied.

His heart grew warm at the children’s “wow”. He could almost see their minds producing questions to ask. Even Luna was looking at him curiously. 

“Now I don’t want you bothering Mr. Snape too much alright.”

“Okay” they chimed.

Sitting in was more relaxing than he thought it would be. He was learning a lot about Harry’s students.

Teddy was the smallest of the group and weighed most likely around twenty-five pounds. Severus found that he was a small child with a large personality. At first he appeared shy but some time during free play he started running around like crazy trying to get him to play. Giving in he was tasked with rolling a small ball that Teddy had to dodge.

The little girl named Rachel spoke in unintelligible sounds that often sounded like some alien language yet Harry seemed to be able to communicate with her slightly. 

“Walakslalkla.” she said. Somehow Harry had interpreted it as “She wants that toy over there.” 

Aiden’s favorite activity was knocking down the small row of blocks like dominos. No matter how fast he set them up Aiden was bound to knock it down before he could finish the design he was going for. Each time they fell Aiden would laugh to himself, his arms flailing in front of his face.

Natalie was chair-bound for most of her time. She was happy whenever given the chance to wriggle on the carpet area. She favored her left side scooting in circles as she hadn’t mastered the ability to crawl yet. 

Ethan was the quietest of them all. So far he hadn’t heard a single word from him but the boy did motion for toys.

Harry watched as Severus painstakingly picked through the grains of rice lodged in the slime. His brow knit in the deepest concentration Harry had ever seen on someone’s face. 

“You really don’t have to do that,” he said. 

“Teddy said that he wanted to play with this.”

“Teddy was the one who put the rice in there last week isn’t that right?” 

Teddy flashed a mischievous smile at both of them. He couldn’t stay mad at any of his students, especially Teddy.

“How did he get access to uncooked rice?”

“I’ll show you. Time for sensory table” he announced.

A chorus of yays sent a motion of tiny children jumping up and down. 

"What is a sensory table?"

"Something that is a lot of fun. Right, Natalie?" Harry leaned over to the girl in the rolling chair, who nodded with a smile.

"Keep an eye on her, she's always trying to escape," Harry said wheeling Natalie to the center of the room. With Luna’s help Harry shifted a container of rice mixed with magnetic letters and colorful bears into the center of the room. 

Grains of rice fell to the floor as the children repeatedly scooped and dumped it back into the container. Harry didn't seem to mind the mess at all. 

"Don't you think this is a waste?"

"Is it a waste to give them some hands-on experience and have fun?" Harry asked, sweeping up the fallen grains of rice once the children had gone.

“I suppose not.”

“The children really like you.”

“That means a lot to you doesn’t it?” he asked, dumping the dustpan into the trash.

“It does.” Harry hugged the broom. “ I can’t believe you came all this way.”

“I would do it again,” he said, taking the broom away. 

“You don’t have to” Harry’s voice lowered to a whisper. 

“Harry,” he dropped the broom to the side as he pulled Harry to him. 

Hands pressed against his back, he leaned in to place his lips onto Harry’s. His efforts to leave a chaise kiss vanished as Harry claimed his mouth, keeping him there by the strength of his hands entangled in his hair. 

“Harry,” he rasped, pulling away for a split second before those lips returned to his. 

“I love you” Harry panted confession almost made him tear apart any arguments over taking Harry on the desk to the side of him. Weakly refraining he rested his head in the crook of Harry’s neck. 

“I love you too, but this is hardly the place for what I want to do with you.”

“You’re right,” Harry chuckled, breaking their embrace. “Let’s go.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again this was written for Snape Bang! This story was also written several months ago.  
> Thank you Charlie you were amazing to work with!  
> Thank you to whoever is reading this!


End file.
